Oscar 2006 Blog

Oscar 2007 Blog

Edward Champion — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 08:59:02 +0000

For those looking for the 2007 Oscar blog, you can find it here:

Why “Crash” Won

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 23:49:27 +0000

Kenneth Turan’s pitch-perfect assessment.

“Cashback” Download

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 19:53:32 +0000

The Oscar-nominated short can be found here (via Slushpile)

Good night and

Gwenda Bond — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 11:40:54 +0000

That’s it, really.

Mothafucking Crash. Who’d have thunk it?

I’m turning off the television machine now. I love you all. Let us unite and strike down the tyranny of the montage. Do not go gently into the good champagne.

Update from Zeke’s, pt. IV

Jackson West — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 05:07:00 +0000

There’s just so many people I’d like to thank. Edward, for being there for me and giving me a creative outlet. Eve, for making sure I got a glass of beer from that pitcher. Rita, for chiming in and watching the laptop. Sarah and Greg for laughing at my lame jokes. Chris for wanting a 24 year old girlfriend. But most of all I’d like to thank the Academy for being a bunch of rich, uptight motherfuckers. Without you, none of this would have been funny.

7:25 Academy president: “What on earth are those negroes saying?”

7:26 We need a black person laughing. Cut to Jamie Foxx on three.

7:28 Sarah H., regarding Jennifer Garner: “Mom boobs.”

7:30 I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: Andy Serkis is the new Anthony Edwards.

7:30 George Clooney: “Give my father’s campaign some money, bitches.”

7:31 Big applause for the following recent corpses here at Zeke’s: Noriyuki “Pat” Morita, Anne Bancroft, Richard Pryor.

7:39 Average American at home: “I ain’t seen none of these furrin’ films.”

7:42 Oscar for Best Audrey Hepburn Impersonation: Ziyi Zhang.

7:45 Gay negroes who love Jews: Funny, because it’s true.

7:46 Terrence Howard gets the respect of silence here at Zeke’s.

7:47 Had to work that cocaine reference in. It is, after all, Hollywood.

7:47 They used the same Straithairn clip for best picture, no?

7:48 Yes, Phillip Seymour Hoffman won! But doesn’t do the speech in the Capote voice. Lame.

7:55 John Travolta and Tom Cruise to star in Brokeback Thetans.

7:57 Okay, nevermind, I’m back to tanking my Oscar predictions.

7:58 “Two are English, two are American, one is South African-American. And they’re all white bitches.”

7:59 Reese still doesn’t sound anything like June. Rita: “I hate her.”

8:02 Ryan Phillipe is a choad.

8:03 Best tux of the night worn by Eve’s better half, Tim, classing up Zeke’s with his patent leather shoes.

8:08 Dustin Hoffman’s plastic surgeon should be arrested.

8:10 Props to Larry McMurtry for wearing jeans. That shit is hott.

8:12 Are Heath and Michelle an item? They’ve got their hands all over each other.

8:13 Uma just showed up from a zombie movie audition, apparently.

8:14 Crash and Geisha are getting a lot more hardware than I would have thought.

8:15 Jaysus, this game is going faster than a Felix Hernandez start.

8:18 Sigh, no love for the commies.

8:21 “Thank you, fictional gay cowboys. And the Chinese.”

8:22 What’s the over-under on how much coke Jack’s snorted tonight? I’m going with 2 grams after he mis-pronounce Capote.

8:23 Woah… Crash? Woah. Does this mean I have to watch it?

8:25 Who knew that rich white people were specially equipped to deal with complicated issues of race on the silver screen? Next thing you know, a bunch of heterosexuals are gonna make a movie about gay cowboys.

8:28 Jon should have tap danced off the stage to finish the show.

8:29 Cue sentimental wailing sax, annnnnnnd… we’re out.

That’s It?

Jeff Bryant — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 05:02:07 +0000

Wow, I had at least two more hours in me. Now how do I come down from such excitement? It’s not like I can pick up an old boring book and read it, not after all of that. Give me another Dolly song, more Pimpin’, a dozen more tacky dresses, John Travolta’s amazing hair. And where the hell was Tom Cruise? We needed us some Tom Cruise.

Well, I guess I’ll rewind the tape and see where things went wrong. Thanks to Ed for putting this together. I’ll be calling on all of you to live blog the Major League Baseball All-Star Game in July. It should be about as exciting.

Last word from me …

Mark Sarvas — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:56:08 +0000

Well it’s done. As I said yesterday … never again.

And finally…

Tom Working — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:52:59 +0000

Take care, fellow commentators!

The Final Tally

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:47:31 +0000

Here’s who contributed the most posts:

Edward Champion: 120 (Honestly, I had no idea!)
Kelly Link: 33
Gwenda Bond: 27
Michelle Richmond: 27
Jeff Bryant: 24

Another C+

Frances Dinkelspiel — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:43:35 +0000

I always get so excited by the Oscars and then I feel let down. It was no different this time.

Jon Stewart was funny, but the crowd never warmed to him, so the whole ceremony felt strained. The one exception might have been the fake commercials for Best Actresses. Those were a hoot.

There weren’t enough glamorous women and those with the real star power looked strange. What was Charlize Theron thinking with that big black bow? Reese Witherspoon looked the best, follwed by Salma Hayek.

These were all good movies, but I wasn’t rooting for any one in particular so I am not particularly thrilled by Crash’s win.

Thanks, Ed. It was diverting.

Good night and good luck

Susan Patton — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:40:53 +0000

Thanks for the diversion from an otherwise completely lackluster Oscar night Ed!

Excellent.

Crash

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:38:20 +0000

At the moment Crash was announced Best Picture winner, we lost the blog. But we’re now back up.

Thank you to all the instigators who kindly offered their many thoughts and quips as the night went on. This was a fantastic little experiment and it wouldn’t have happened without the many authors who kindly volunteered their time and words to this blog.

Thank you also to all the commenters who offered their various thoughts and to all the lurkers who read as this went along.

I hope you all wake up with able heads tomorrow morning.

Thanks and all best,

Current Oscar Threat Level

Tom Working — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:38:03 +0000

Crash-gratulations!

Carolyn Kellogg — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:37:28 +0000

what a surprise.

Crashed

Jeff Bryant — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:37:03 +0000

How fitting that that clunker of a movie was being announced as Best Picture and then this site decided to crash. I thought Ed had blocked me for a second.

best freudian slip

Michelle Richmond — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:36:29 +0000

cathy schulman, thanking “my husband and my wife” as the music cues her out.

and Best Battle to Contain the Cleavage Overflow
the chick in the bright orange dress who was hanging out (& I do mean hanging out) with the Crash folks

Best Live Blog Host for Oscar Night 2006
EDWARD CHAMPION! You rock, dude.

Thank You, Ed!

Chris Daley — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:36:16 +0000

I was just locked out for awhile, but I’m glad I got back in to thank you for a very fun Oscars despite the blandness of the actual show.

The mens

Carolyn Kellogg — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:35:54 +0000

I couldn’t give a thank-you speech in Chinese, but really, Ang. Thanking the mens and womens?

Yay Ang Lee!

Susan Patton — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:23:00 +0000

Such a beautiful man. I’m so glad he won. He made a wonderful movie. I think I’ve forgiven him now for The Hulk.

Jack Nicholson

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:22:27 +0000

I can wear sunglasses on stage, you can’t.

So very sleepy

Kelly Link — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:22:15 +0000

Or is it the champagne? In any case, I’d like to thank our host. Thank you! I’d also like to thank my mother and also Annie Proulx and all of the booksellers in the world. And all of the black and white dresses. And all of the tiaras that Carson Dailey lent us to wear tonight.

So very sleepy

Kelly Link — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:21:50 +0000

Ang Lee

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:20:21 +0000

The man who fucking killed the movie. Bah.

Dude…

Tom Working — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:19:50 +0000

What was Tom Hanks mouthing as he came on stage?

Right now, Matt Dillon is leaning over asking “Who the fuck’s this Brecht dude?”

Mark Sarvas — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:16:54 +0000

So Haggis’ writing partner just got totally screwed on what’s only the biggest night of his life. Fuckin’ Hollywood.

Still, ya gotta hand it to Haggis … Brecht and good deed-ism; I’m a sucker for that shit. Maybe we’ll have a Brecht-quoting 007.

And I’m 2 for 2. Wasn’t a tough call this year but Oscar can surprise.

Memorable speeches?!??!?!?!

Jeff VanderMeer — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:16:44 +0000

Look, I’ve had my share of Belgian ale tonight, but…has there been a single memorable speech?

And I love Stewart, but the set pieces have had much more impact than the monologue. Am I right?

And yet I’m enjoying myself immeasurably…

Larry and Diana

Frances Dinkelspiel — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:16:33 +0000

Lonesome Dove is one of my all-time favorite books. Way to go, Larry! He and Diana really enlarged the original Annie Proulx story in a wonderful way. And then thanking the booksellers of the world.

best sexy presenter who makes everybody forget the category

Michelle Richmond — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:16:22 +0000

UMA!

okay, and I loved that thing McMurtry said about the culture of the book, but I gotta say, that dude is boring.

Sigh

Jeff Bryant — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:15:58 +0000

If Crash was the best “original” screenplay this year, then might this have been the weakest year ever for original screenplays?

Stop it with the pale gold.

Gwenda Bond — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:14:49 +0000

Or blush colors or what have you. Why does every female star have to color coordinate? Okay, blondes, you’ll be wearing gold this year…

All hail, Salma and Michelle Williams.

Current Oscar Threat Level

Tom Working — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:14:47 +0000

Fuck Paul Haggis

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:14:39 +0000

Crash? Over Syriana? Okay, Haggis, you’ve drawn blood. \

I officially hate Paul Haggis now.

Uma Thurman

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:13:16 +0000

Going for the Bride of Frankenstein look.

Way to go Larry

Mark Sarvas — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:12:53 +0000

Thanking booksellers! I fuckin’ love that guy.

And what, you guys couldn’t show a shot of Proulx?? You fuckers.

I’m 1 for 2 so far …

Hot List

Chris Daley — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:12:21 +0000

I’m so glad to see Annie Proulx got an invite to the show. I also had no idea A History of Violence was based on a graphic novel.

Brokeback for best adapted screenplay

Susan Patton — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:12:20 +0000

I read the short story that the film was based on, and I think they really did justice to it. It was almost exactly the same, but they added good stuff to it and edited it well. The movie brought the story to life beautifully. Huzzah and kudos!

Annie Proulx

Gwenda Bond — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:11:40 +0000

Invisible? Or just not worth showing? Or secretly Ang Lee?

Adapted Screenplay

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:11:02 +0000

Brokeback.

Larry…the Cable Guy?

Traver Kauffman — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:10:45 +0000

Nice pants!

best self-congratulations since sally field…

Michelle Richmond — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:09:36 +0000

And the award goes to Reese Witherspoon, for the line she won’t get to live down, “I’m just tryin’ ta matter.” Okay, I know June said it, but I bet June said it a bit differently. Don’t get me wrong, I’m GLAD Reese won, but I have to say can’t these Southern girls give up their, “I’m just a little ole gal from Tennessee” act when they’re accepting the Oscars? Remember Ashley Judd’s, “I’m just a little ole country girl?” Uh, I think when you make millions of dollars per picture, you no longer qualify as a little ole anything, no matter how many days you went barefoot as a kid.

Dustin

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:09:07 +0000

Was there a bong backstage?

Jeff Points Out First Veiled Diss of The Night

Tom Working — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:06:02 +0000

Jeff Vandermeer pointed out that Reese’s “Real woman” comment was most likely, a jab at Felicity’s performance in “TransAmerica”.

Dustin Hoffman?

Mark Sarvas — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:05:04 +0000

Does anyone else note the irony of the star of Tootsie - one of the great “writer killer” projects of all time - awarding this one? Ask Bill Goldman what he thought of Dustin’s improv on Marathon Man … yeesh … And yet he’ll talk about how important the writer is. Pass me the air sickness bag.

Her Head Makes a Perfect Triangle

Jeff Bryant — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:04:19 +0000

I wasn’t overwhelmed with her performance in Walk the Line, but hey, she gave a shout-out to T-Bone Burnett, so I’m glad she won.

Best Actress Speech

Kelly Link — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:04:15 +0000

I think it’s traditional for the Best Actress to make a sucky, sucky speech. But that was even more incoherent than most.

Best Actress Speech

Kelly Link — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:04:01 +0000

I think it’s traditional for the Best Actress to make a sucky, sucky speech. But that was even more incoherent than most.

Reese

Tom Working — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:02:57 +0000

OKay, shut the frell up now, forehead.

Ryan

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:02:49 +0000

“Come on, honey. Just get the damn speech over with so we can go home.”

Reese

Gwenda Bond — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:02:39 +0000

Just don’t let Quentin Tarantino find out where you’re at, girl, because “Quentin Tarantino makes his women wild and mean…”

“A Real Woman”

Jeff VanderMeer — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:02:29 +0000

Wow. Reese Witherspoon wins the Oscar and then disses Felicity and Transamerica by saying her (Reese’s) character was a “real woman”. Very classy.

Reese

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:01:48 +0000

Worst performance in an acceptance speech: “I didn’t expect to be here!”

Current Oscar Threat Level

Tom Working — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:01:40 +0000

Yay, Reese!

Kelly Link — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:01:14 +0000

I loved Walk the Line! And this is a much better dress than the one she wore to the last awards ceremony.

Best Actress

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:00:44 +0000

Judi Dench: Looks intense, slightly sour.

Charlize Theron: Yeah, I kicked ass with my peformance, but I’ve already won an Osar, you see.

Keira Knightley: Maybe I’ll win, but I’m still young.

Felicity Huffmann: Hey, Bill, let me clap, why dont’cha?

Reese Witherspoon: Smiles, noncommited response.

And the Oscar goes to….Reese Witherspoon.

oscar sleeps through the oscars

Michelle Richmond — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:00:28 +0000

So, my son Oscar, who usually goes to bed at 6:00 and gets up twice before eight, has slept through the ENTIRE show. That kid’s got taste. Oh, no, okay, there he goes.

Great Dane?

Chris Daley — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:58:45 +0000

“Four of them are fine ladies and one of them is a great dame?” Harsh.

the scientologists made me wear this

Michelle Richmond — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:57:56 +0000

What’s up with John Travolta’s tie? And is it me or is his head looking a bit, um, squarish?

Hoffman Movie Contracts

Jeff VanderMeer — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:57:45 +0000

The E! entertainment website is now reporting that Hoffman has signed on to do Flipper: The Return, Goonies 5, and a remake of Patch Adams.

Consolation Prize

Mark Sarvas — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:57:21 +0000

Cinematography to Geisha? It’s looking increasingly like Brokeback for screenplay will be the consolation award …

Best Cinematography

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:56:35 +0000

Memoirs of a Geisha. Well, another surprise!

Wally Fister Pfister

Jeff Bryant — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:56:35 +0000

Someone had to say it.

Travolta

Dave King — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:55:49 +0000

Is his hair painted on?

PSH

Edward Champion — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:55:23 +0000

Granted, this is well-deserved and all. But I hope this doesn’t mean that the Hoffmann who gave us such indelible performances in Happiness, Owning Mahoney and Boogie Nights isn’t dead. I’m hoping that Hoffmann is sensible enough to play his cards right and bring truly meaningful characters to the limelight. I’m hoping that this means that Hoffmann isn’t above appearing in an independent film or the like. Although I suspect that that Hoffmann is, in some manner, quite dead.

The red carpet at night

Carolyn Kellogg — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:55:11 +0000

everyone is still inside. Go PSH!

He Was Truly Channeling Capote

Frances Dinkelspiel — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:52:33 +0000

Didn’t his mother tell him to look at the audience while speaking?

if I could cry

Michelle Richmond — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:52:13 +0000

while watching the oscars, it would be for that line, “ma, w’ere at the party.” Go Philip!

Hoffman

Jeff VanderMeer — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:50:23 +0000

another really deserving win!

PSH has March Madness?

Traver Kauffman — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:50:14 +0000

Who knew?

The Oscars are sooo over.

Robert Birnbaum — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:50:08 +0000

Trying to sustain this format for a presentation show in the 21st century is a fool’s task.

Yup, that’s what I think.

Happy Happy

Chris Daley — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:49:30 +0000

It must be an amazing thing to win for a film you made with two of your oldest friends.