N+1 Magazine Emailed me Again

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I have deleted this post, because Keith Gessen specifically requested in the email that it not be posted to the Internet. This blog is based in California. The first paragraph of the California Constitution guarantees each citizen's right to privacy. I do not desire that this blog be used to violate anyone's privacy. If Tao Lin does this again, I will permanently disable his posting rights.]

Final Tally

Ed: 91 posts (including those from other authors)
Jami Bernard: 60 posts
Jeff VanderMeer: 58 posts
Jackson West: 48 posts
Callie Miller: 44 posts
Melissa Gira: 41 posts

The Post-Game

Goodnight, Gracie.

infograph_borat.jpg

I’d Like To Thank the Academy

For making life seem relevant again. And all those torrented pre-Oscar screeners.

yes that stupid sunshine piece of shit didn’t get anything…Departed wins, that makes me happy, i want to grab martin scorsese by the eyebrows and kiss his head and then rub jack nicholson’s head, going to sleep now

Thanks All

Thanks to all the guest bloggers who chimed in with their time and words. Thanks also to the excellent Annalee Newitz and Charlie Anders for hosting a fantastic party.

You can go about living your regular lives now. Until next year, that is.

Many Thanks

To Ed and All…It was a pleasure.

Hail Xenu!

I’m off to get my free stress test. Also, circumcised. Again.

the departed

at least babel didn’t win.

Woo hoo! See y’all next year!

Thanks Ed! As usual, it was a lot of fun to participate! In fact, I’d go so far as to say I had more fun here than being a design judge at the Cal State Fair.

A Few Post-Ceremony Awards

To Gwenda Bond for repetitions of “Man Candy,” or whatever.

To Ed Champion for being a good host and for the invite and for his lovely title rant re Little Miss Sunshine.

To Tao for showing us the world is larger than our eye-of-the-needle Oscar party.

To Nick for pimping lots of stuff.

I’m outta here.

Okay — who the hell was that?

Is it just me, or is it really lame that the Best Picture guy didn’t have Marty come up or the cast? Bizarre, no?

That’s Hollywood.

What? We’re Done?

No more interpretive shadow dancing? I’m confused.

WHERE’S THE FUCKIN’ DANCE WITH THE PENGUINS????

I want my money back

Flashback

I was just remembering last year when Crash won and the server immediately crashed. I’m glad we weren’t all taken out by corrupt Boston cops.

Three Consecutive F-Word Posts!

We’re all gonna have a great time with Bertrand Russell in Hell.

The Departed: Buy Two Hours, Get The Third Free

“It’s a wonderful synergy of Diane Keaton and fucking right now.” — Meliss Gira

Would Diane Keaton stop fondling Jack “fuckdog” Nicholson?

Sweeter?

The best picture win for Departed must make Scorcese feel more certain that the Best Director wasn’t just a “finally give it to the guy” throw away.

Interesting…

Somehow this seems like a let-down. The best director win I thought was cool. But The Departed was not, for me, the best movie of the year. It was a very good movie, however.

Also: Diane Fucking Keaton?

“The first movie he’s done with a plot“????

Fuck You, Diane Keaton

“The first movie he’s done with a plot!”

“Little Fucking Miss Bullshit Fucking Sunshine.”

– Edward Champion

Did Diane Keaton just grab her tits?

O’Toole…

doesn’t need any further affirmation to be counted among the greats.

Wow, what a nail biter…

Pretty obvious at this point that the Departed wins. Good night, and good luck! Thanks Ed, everyone, it was fun.

Diane Fucking Keaton

Sporting Lesbian Haircut #3, The Gracefully Aging Version. We likey: wide belt, the cuffs, and man, the glasses.

Y’know, the air went out of Peter O’Toole

… because he knows it’s his last chance, really. But Forest Whitaker isn’t going to have another shot like this, and he deserved it …

Run, Forrest!

Forrest’s speech started to devolve there at the end.

Eyebrow-Goiter Orgy?

Man, Martin’s a head shorter than those other guys.

T.E. Lawrence Ain’t Lookin’ So Hot

Somebody get the man a drink.

Okay, Now We Can Mock Marty, Too

Jackson: “‘The Asian cinema’, cause it’s all in Asian.”

I’ve waited for this moment for years, for Scorsese to win

But I just wish it was for Raging Bull, or Goodfellas

Sweet

It’s about fucking time.

Marty!

Good luck, Marty!

Martin

So overdue.

Whitaker–Great Speech

Really, just perfect.

Marty! Marty! Marty!

<3 <3 <3

This trio is a sign that everyone knows it’s gonna be Scorsese

Otherwise it would be embarrassing

Yay! Forrest!

The best part of the show by far. He has class and heart. He deserved it!

I Need Medical Marijuana

These anti-union douchebags are making me nauseous.

The original three amigos?

God, they really need to stop that.

Buddhist Whittaker

Okay, call me drunk or call me sappy or both, but Forest has me crying. His speech is textbook Buddhism and for that, I admire him that much more.

Forest wins the night.

Period.

Forrest

Single-handedly making all of us feel like total jerks for saying anything terrible about anything at all ever about the power of cinema.

Forrest

Gavin: The first thing expected to be heard backstage from Forrest Whitaker when asked about his Oscar, “Don’t fuck with it.”

Forest Whitaker

I’ve always thought Whitaker was amazing in every role he ever had. He was especially brilliant in Ghost Dog. But he was also just a stunning presence in Last King of Scotland. In a personal and a historical-figure way.

Forrest Fucking Whitaker

Boo yah!

Woah…

Sorry Peter O’Toole. Looks like that really took the wind out of him!

Forrest Whitaker was incredible in that movie, I’m glad he won.

Miscegenation

‘Nuff said.

Forest Whitaker, oh yes, quite deserved!!

Oh Damn

I can’t decide who I want to win! Forest! Ryan! No, Forest! No, Peter!

Wait

The “band” threw rolling papers UP and out of the pit?

Idi Amin?

Not My Ultimate Bad Guy.

helen mirren helen mirren

HELEN MIRREN

helen mirren

Memorizing Your Acceptance Speech

…is classier than reading it off a scrap of paper, don’t you think? Helen Mirren is classy.

Helen Mirren

God, I just hope I look half that good when I am 50.

Merrin

I think Merrin’s great and even though I haven’t seen The Queen, it seems deserving.

Why Chris Connelly Should Be Stopped

“You probably don’t have to buy the donuts tomorrow.”

I cannot take this man seriously if he utters such preposterous sentences along these lines.

Dumb things to say…

What’s all this “I want to share this award with my fellow nominees” crap? Is the Oscar going home with any of the others? NO! Are they going to time share the Oscar? NO!

Helen Mirren’s Backstory

You know, the things about Indian hand readers is that they often fail to account for “courage and consistency.”

Classing Up the Joint, Pt. 2

I was wondering when they were going to bust out Mr. Hoffman.

Oh, Helen, I adore you!

Prada Was Good…

…Ugly Betty is better.

Is PSH Growing Dreads?

WTF is up with that hair, Phillip?

It is late — Ellen is in her pajamas

PS they didn’t applaud enough for the best dead people.

Tap Dance?

Ellen looks like she’s waiting for someone to throw her a top hat and cane in that outfit.

Length

This genuinely becoming one of the longer, more painful ones. I don’t know if I’ll make it all the way.

Costume Change

Liking the navy satin suit but the black shirt?

You know what they left out of the dead parade?

The requisite slo-mo at the end, like someone waving good-bye … slo-mo always makes me cry

Cleopatra Jones does not die

“People die you know,” said Ed.

“Not Cleopatra Jones!” cried Charlie passionately.

“Where’s fucking Altman?” asked Ed.

“Did he win an Oscar?” asked Liz.

“No! He’s dead!” exclaimed Charlie. Then added: “James Doohan fathered a child in his 80s when he had Alzheimers.”

I should win best screenplay for that dialog.

Where’s Altman

“Did he win an Oscar?”
“No, he DIED.”

My favorite part of the Oscars

Let’s applaud more for the actors we liked better… They’re all people and they’re all dead… it should be constant applause… Knew Mr. Scot would get a ton… as for Peter Boyle.

Oscars Producers? So Totally Reading The Blog

Changes made to the production so far:

1. Ellen’s suit swap.
2. Alan Arkin all Glengarry Glen Ross-like referring to his trophy upon Ed’s request.
3. The long-longed-for recognition of Canada’s contributions to International FILM. (unlike those Germans)
4. Comedy gets its day (as Jackson declared)
5. DEAD PEOPLE MONTAGE ALREADY