Some thoughts on balanced nipples

Filed by Annalee Newitz | 4 comments


  • Some of the actresses have arrived on stage with strangely symmetrical erect nipples. These are obviously not organically erect nips, because in real life it is rare to have one’s nipples become perfectly erect at exactly the same rate — hence the common problem of having one erect nipple and appearing to be some kind of one-nippled freak. So our current theory is that Ellen is in the back tweaking all the actresses’ nipples. You know, just right before they go on stage, so they look balanced. It’s not gay or anything. It’s just fashion. She’s doing a service, really. Otherwise we’d be wondering whether certain individuals are lacking a left nip.

    Posted on February 25

    • 4 comments

    1. Liz Henry Feb 25

      Oscar nipple fluffers!

    2. Chris Daley Feb 25

      Can I hire Ryan Gosling to be my nipple tweaker?

    3. Kristen Siapas Feb 25

      HILARIOUS.

    4. pete_D Feb 25

      Isn’t this just a side effect of implants?