To: pobronson@pobronson.com
From: ed@edrants.com
Subject: Exclusives
Dear Mr. Bronson:
Congratulations on your book! I'm sure you've helped a hell of a lot of people answer that very pertinent question. Heaven forbid that anyone could figure it out on their own. But then you and I both know the audience you were shooting for. Right, Po?
Listen, Po. I'm writing to you about this notice I received in the mail from the Friends of the San Francisco Public Library. Lord knows I'd do anything to help those swell folks out, being both a book freak and a San Francisco resident of almost ten years.
But before I ripped open the envelope, I noticed the words, "Your exclusive invitation to meet author Po Bronson." And I couldn't help but wonder if you might have viewed this as a casual self-promotional opportunity rather than an act of genuine benevolence. The Friends is, after all, a nonprofit organization trying to keep libraries stocked with books and attempting to secure the health of local libraries. Is this the kind of group you'd use as a really twisted way to further a career? Quid pro quo, Po?
Specifically, the phrase in the boiler plate that I raised my eyebrow over was this: "Join the Friends of the San Francisco Public Library by April 30 and you'll be invited to a special members-only reception with San Francisco author Po Bronson. One of our most popular Bay Area authors, Po will share with us some of his interesting stories about working in the literary community."
Exclusive. Let's contemplate that modifier. If I were to, say, recognize you in the streets and say, "Hey Po! What the hell are you doing with your life? Let me buy you a beer," then there really wouldn't be time for you to check if I had my Friends card on me, would there? You would either run away from me or you would accept my spontaneous invitation. (Or you'd turn the tables and buy me a beer. That would be showing 'em.) But if you accepted, then you would be breaking the "exclusive" imprimatur. And we can't have that, can we, Po?
What does this exclusive thing mean? Does it mean that you would never talk to me if I walked into the Zoetrope building? Am I too good for you, Po? Is that what this is all about? If you want to play the prima donna, well then this is frankly more than I bargained for. And I feel very uncomfortable involving the Friends as the middleman.
I do recognize, of course, that you've written novels, now available in mass market paperback at generous prices. But I'm really curious. Who do you think is the real winner, Po? The Friends or you?
Of course, all this isn't quite as bad as the Friends suggesting to elderly people exactly how to word their wills or the subtle encouragement of "volunteers with strong backs.".
But all this does have me concerned during an election year. And I welcome any answers you can deliver.
Very truly yours,
Edward Champion
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