April 14, 2004

The Blog Warrior

James Marcus: "Already there are turf wars, low-level spats. No doubt a pecking order will gradually materialize, since even cyberspace operates according to the familiar logic of Animal Farm: All bloggers are created equal, but some are more equal than others. There will be stars, contract players, boffo traffic numbers. There will be a proliferation of advertising on the most visible sites -- there is already, in fact -- and a defiant tug-of-war between the early bloggers and their entrepreneurial successors."

NEW YORK (AP): Lit blogger Edward Champion was announced as Maud Newton's bitch last night. Mr. Champion, who lost his right to blog about literature shortly after being beaten to a pulp by Ron Hogan in a backalley brawl last April, had long been targeted by the Final Three: Sarah Weinman, Jessa Crispin and Newton.

Mr. Champion's hair has been shaven off and his limbs have been replaced by QWERTY keyboards connected to Google News. Newton and her gang plan to use Mr. Champion as either a modular bookshelf or a footstool.

Hogan, however, has not declared any firm loyalties to Newton. Independent sources report that Hogan has been conspiring with Mark Sarvas and the disgraced Terry Teachout (fired from his Wall Street Journal and Commentary gigs shortly after OGIC defected over to the Weinman camp).

Crispin remains a formidable force. Shortly after having TFMTML's liver for dinner last week, she announced that Sam Jones would be her World Domination Consultant.

Despite Ms. Weinman's clear lead among the Final Three, there are rumors that
Laila Lalami is planning a coup with Nathalie Chica and the Old Hag.

Robert Birnbaum remains missing. Newton's camp has claimed responsibility.

(via Rake)

Posted by DrMabuse at April 14, 2004 11:09 AM

Oh come on ... I love Teach and Ron but I wanna play with the girls!!!

Posted by: TEV at April 14, 2004 11:59 AM

I think a lit-bloggers-meets-"The Warriors" NY streetfightin' scenario might well be the most watchable event ever. Or the least. Can't decide.

Posted by: T. at April 14, 2004 12:55 PM

Ms. Weinman, in accordance with the wishes of her legal team, will neither confirm nor deny that the events as recounted took place.

Posted by: Sarah at April 14, 2004 02:28 PM

There are legal teams? Jesus, this thing's hitting Robert Shea Wilson/Dan Brown heights of paranoia!

Posted by: Ed at April 14, 2004 03:36 PM

TMFTML's liver? Is it possible to contract cirrhosis orally?

Posted by: Terry Teachout at April 14, 2004 04:01 PM

"In breaking news, it appears that the bot program that controls the litblogging universe has malfunctioned in a major way. Attempts to restart the program have failed to date, and the main bot programmer is unavailable for comment."

Posted by: Sarah at April 14, 2004 04:51 PM

Now that I've got my little EWA site all up-dated the next thing I'm gonna do is appeal more directly to sensibilities of the 2,200 people on my list by initiating a Literary Babe of the Month and a Literary Hunk of the Month contest with pictures of the winners and losers posted on a new page. I have it all pictured. Al Zuckerman, Hunk of October. Vicky Wilson, Babe of December. Andrew Wylie, Hunk of July--yeah, yeah, in a pair of Snoopy boxers with that wolfish grin? It can't miss. I'm gonna need volunteer judges. G.

Posted by: Gerard Jones at April 14, 2004 06:54 PM