You may not realize this, but I've spent the past five years writing a novel in code. The novel in question features a good deal of sex between an alcoholic Jesuit and a recovering politician, several fingers that are accidentally cut off in a shredder and sold for a stunning amount on eBay, and a lengthy section describing how to make the best chili con carne. The novel is entitled ":)" and while I don't have $14,000 to offer, for anyone who can decode the text, I will buy them a beer.
The text follows:
"
!-?
(o)(o)
===|>
:(?
!!!!