Month / July 2004

by DrMabuse

The Reluctant Index

For the record, my TCCI is 54%. Teachout’s damn crazy is he thinks he’s going to get us to eat anchovies or give up James Joyce or pomo, let alone deny the kickass Rio Bravo or choose Steely Dan (!) over Elvis Costello.

In response to the TCCI, I present the Reluctant Index. Answer these questions:

  • Edible underwear or underworn edibles?
  • Trotsky or Guevara?
  • Hunter S. Thompson or Dan Rather?
  • Punk rock or bubble gum pop?
  • Freezing to death or burning to death?
  • 69 or 666?
  • Being caught letting loose a fart in public or being caught letting loose a belch in public?
  • Joe vs. the Volcano: yes or no?

Tally your score by counting left and right answers. Then divide the left score by three without using paper or a calculator. If the final count is more than 0.00005, you’re okay in my book.

by DrMabuse

The War on Pornography

shurtleff.jpgUtah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff has declared a War on Pornography. At the exact moment of declaration, Shurtleff’s right hand froze permanently into an upward Ur-Seig Heil position, so as to prevent any conflict of interest with his lower anatomy. His subscription to Hustler was cancelled and the State of Utah will be very careful about the motels Mr. Shurtleff stays in. Aggravating matters was Mr. Shurtleff’s mouth, now permanently locked into a rictus. Ms. Shurtleff’s assistants plan to feed him bottles of Gerber while the proud general conducts his war against the most American of trades. (via MeFi)