• A poem written by Tennessee Williams that nobody had known about was discovered in the playwright’s 1937 Greek exam. The poem concerns a talking rodent named Kowalski and vividly describes various rats mating — all this within a mere seventeen lines. Apparently, Williams misheard the rat’s squeak (“Eeeekya! Eeeeekya!”) as “Stella! Stella!” and was later inspired to write A Streetcar Named Desire.
• Maclean’s has an inside scoop of Farrar, Straus & Giroux. Apparently, FSG’s insides are “no larger than the average Manhattan kitchen and its pale blue-green paint evokes feelings not of publishing glory, but of high school labs and hospital waiting rooms.” Competitors hoping to reproduce FSG’s continued success (now with Marilynne Robinson) have begun to tone down their decor, all too happy to tear down the walls, expose their fiberglass and let their production interns suffer premature deaths from asbestos poisoning.
• Orlando Bloom is not playing James Bond, nor is he even remotely interested in the fictional spy. At a press conference, he denied ever reading James Bond or seeing a James Bond movie. He adamantly refuses martinis and would rather play a Morris chair in an expensive historical epic than sully his vigor as a debaucherer. He also hasn’t been very fun these days.
• The Age says that “sex is difficult to write about” and then proceeds to expend several words on its influence in literature. Apparently, literary perversion all began with an obscure reference to fellatio in an early edition of the Gutenberg Bible.
• “Magnetic attraction” is what brought Charles and Camilla together. And to show reporters just what he was talking about, Prince Charles revealed that he was, in fact, a giant transformer. In response to the sudden electric fields surrounding Buckingham Palace, certain princesses named Sarah have begun to practice Fergiemagnetism.

Okay, traditional media, we’re ready.

Bear with me, folks, as I gradually work in elements of the redesign over the next week.

Something big is afoot. All I can say is that it involves disseminating devious information. And it’s so exciting that I’ve bought six new pairs of boxers. More to come.

• Rolling Stone: “No combination of alternative fuels will allow us to run American life the way we have been used to running it, or even a substantial fraction of it. The wonders of steady technological progress achieved through the reign of cheap oil have lulled us into a kind of Jiminy Cricket syndrome, leading many Americans to believe that anything we wish for hard enough will come true. These days, even people who ought to know better are wishing ardently for a seamless transition from fossil fuels to their putative replacements.”
• ZDNet: “The company has spent millions of dollars persuading people that hybrid electric cars like the Prius never need to be plugged in and work just like normal cars….But the idea of making hybrid cars that have the option of being plugged in is supported by a diverse group of interests, from neoconservatives who support greater fuel efficiency to utilities salivating at the chance to supplant oil with electricity. If you were able to plug a hybrid in overnight, you could potentially use a lot less gas by cruising for long stretches on battery power only.”
• Reuters: “U.S. President George W. Bush’s proposed 2006 budget calls for much lower funding for Amtrak, and the Secretary of Transportation has said that Amtrak’s funding should be overhauled. It’s not clear how much support the railroad will have as it goes through the Congressional budget appropriations process, S&P said.”

Ed Ideas (Which Will Never Be Adopted):

1. Limousine/Cab Tax Rate
2. Gasoline Tax of $1.50 Per Gallon; All Revenue Going to Public Transportation
3. Tax Breaks for Those Who Don’t Own Cars
4. Rental Car Tax
5. Mandate That 65% of All Operational Vehicles Become Hybrids Before 2008
6. Overhaul of National and Local Rail Systems Before 2010
7. Transcontinental High-Speed Rail System to Replace Airports: San Francisco to New York in Less Than Ten Hours at 300 mph by High-Speed Rail. Complimentary Drinks to All Passengers.
8. Ban on SUVs, Hummers and Fuel-Deficient Vehicles for Public Use
9. Those Who Use Public Transportation on Regular Basis Get Free Sex