Scientific American: “At long last researchers have teleported the information stored in a beam of light into a cloud of atoms, which is about as close to getting beamed up by Scotty as we’re likely to come in the foreseeable future.”
Year / 2006
Am I Reader? Yes I Am
Why is Lars Ulrich at Litquake? Yeah, I know it’s for a gala of musicians inspired by literature. But this is Lars Ulrich we’re talking about. Perhaps he’s the only member of Metallica who still bothers to read.
Madonna the Philanthropist
BBC: “Pop star Madonna is in the African country of Malawi on a mission to try to help orphaned children living with HIV and AIDS. The singer plans to launch six projects to help underprivileged children.”
Here are four of the six projects:
1. Madonna will hire out three of her 280 personal assistants for exactly one hour to offer services to one underprivileged child, including carrying suitcases, providing foot massages, driving out to the nearest Whole Foods to purchase a snack (is there a Whole Foods in Malawi?), and reading the Kabbalah out loud.
2. To brighten up a few lives, Madonna will allow three children to star in the roles of Little Foot Soldier #1, Little Foot Soldier #2, and Little Foot Soldier #3 for an upcoming music video representing a sexual allegory of the Battle of the Bulge. The Little Foot Soldiers will get the opportunity to fire off several squibs, thus providing these cute and cuddly malnourished tots with a small thrill to brighten their hungry days.
3. Madonna will allow one carefully selected malnourished child to touch the hem of her khakis, showing great grace in enduring the child’s dirty and squalid hand. The khakis will be immediately laundered after the encounter. The child will be allowed to walk within ten feet of Madonna for twenty heartfelt minutes of joy — perhaps the greatest moment in the child’s life, better even than a rare day with three meals.
4. Madonna will give ten children copies of her complete discography for their listening pleasure. It is Madonna’s hope that her music will provide the children with great inspiration to conquer their grumbling stomachs. If the children do not possess a CD player, she will demand that the Malawai governemnt provide them. If they do not possess electricity, she will have one of her dancers beat somebody up — perhaps another starving child, if nobody else can be found.
Those Pesky Australians Can’t Stay Down
Roundup
- 6 out of 10 Americans say that the nation is ready for a female president. But while we’re on the subject, 5 out of 10 Americans say that the nation is ready for a precocious marsupial who often swings from tree to tree across the National Mall as president.
- I’m a little late on this, but author Robert Anton Wilson is in ill health and can use your support.
- Adam Kirsh reviews the new Issac Bashevis Singer biography for The New York Sun. The dude was one crazed workhorse: writing on vacation, writing while showering, writing while making love to his wife, writing while sleeping, writing while shoving a forkful of pie into his mouth, and, inspired by behavior he observed in a Munich beer hall, writing double-fisted on two stories at the same time.
- French novelist Andre Schwarz-Bart has passed away.
- Lynne Scanlon ponders blogging revenue, but she makes no mention of one particularly creative form of revnue, which involves donating to the Google AdSense Blood Bank. After taking many pints of your blood, Google pays you several hundred dollars in pennies, depending upon your Google ranking. They even give you a cookie. It’s a disreuptable way of making ends meet, but in a pinch, it’s better than whoring yourself out on Polk Street.
- I should note that the LBC has selected its Read This! selection. But not even the threat of oral sex from a sasquatch will loosen my lips. So who pray tell is the lucky winner? You’ll find out on October 16, where the winner will be revealed and the discussions will begin soon after. Also, this time around, The Bat Segundo Show is teaming up with Pinky’s Paperhaus on the podcasting front. You won’t want to miss this.
- Mainichi Daily News: “Once shunned for being dweebish or simply grotesque, older male virgins are being sought out in Japan in the belief that they’re more creative than their sexually experienced peers.” Two words: premature ejaculation. (via The Beat)
- Phil Campbell vs. Mike Daisey. I’ve been skeptical of Daisey for a while and it’s good to see someone calling him on the veracity of his personal narratives.