Charlie Brooker: “There’s no point debating anything online. You might as well hurl shoes in the air to knock clouds from the sky. The internet’s perfect for all manner of things, but productive discussion ain’t one of them. It provides scant room for debate and infinite opportunities for fruitless point-scoring: the heady combination of perceived anonymity, gestated responses, random heckling and a notional ‘live audience’ quickly conspire to create a ‘perfect storm’ of perpetual bickering.”
Year / 2006
Open Source Characters?
As Lee Goldberg has discovered, some of these fan fiction writers don’t get it. Witness this ironic and clueless disclaimer (although the “warning” not to steal characters which Goldberg cites has been removed).
Since Shadow of the Wolf thinks nothing of stealing other people’s characters, here is my attempt at fan fiction in the style and voice of the Shadow of the Wolf characters. My “fan fiction” of “fan fiction,” if you will. You may call it “stealing,” but you’re probably right:
“You were just fucking her brains out, then?” Erik asked.
“Yes,” Alain replied longly. “Mom sucks cock better than you.” The seventeen-year-old took off the remainder of the mess of the five-minute fuck that he had completed with great care.
“After I fucked you? Taught you everything you know?”
“You knew this would happen one day. It happens in all families. The first time it happened, mom showed me the way. Where were you? A child grows up and leaves home and sometimes comes back again.”
Both men had hot tempers right now at this moment and maybe today as you’re reading this they were doing their best to keep them under control. Alain was going to leave the safety of the rat-infested studio apartment to venture out on his own and try to launching a house of opera. Because he was seventeen and because he was growing tired of fucking his parents. The two had fought and fucked over Alain’s profound decision for many days. Erik refused to leave his apartment and Alain accused him of getting bored easily. This struck three chords with Erik and he was backed off by the powerful thrust of his hand immediately, not saying nothing more much about it. Alain knew that he had fucked his father and that he might fuck him again, but was too proud to apologize for it. Perhaps he would fuck his mother again. His past and his face and his half-erect cock prevented him from completing his thought. Alain did not have a half-erect cock. In fact, now that I think about it, he did not have a cock at all and was only borrowing Lucrezia’s strap-on so that he might fuck Erik if he got bored with fucking his mother or this unspecified moaning human he was just finishing up with right now. Or was that actually mom? Or grandma?
“You’re my child!!!!!!!!”
“I’m not a child! I just prefer fucking mom” said Alain gigantically, watching his cock rise upwards and long as he pondered another dip into Mom’s honey.
Erik watched as his son fucked his wife again. Perhaps if Alain started a house of opera, there could be many grounds for divorce!
THE END
Roundup
- Congratulations Jenny D!
- BSG S3 details (via Gwenda)
- No, it’s not just you, Tayari. For your consideration: Colson Whitehead’s John Henry Days or Ernest J. Gaines’ A Lesson Before Dying.
- Elizabeth Crane on A History of Violence: “Like, if I suddenly found out Ben had a previous life in the Philadelphia mob (I didn’t think so, but I double checked, and he denied it), I think I would be angry about being deceived but I would not express my anger by having sex with him on the stairs after he tried to strangle me.”
- Hedy Weiss on Henry Kisor.
- “For the part of her book that is set on a ranch, Cowart’s research involved visiting a Tifton rodeo where she complied the phone numbers of all the cowboys.” But is this research or a disingenuous way to hook up with men in chaps?
- The Courier Mail reviews The History of Love, but half of the review involves talking about JSF and Krauss. While there’s always room for a little salacious tidbits, I have to ask whether the Courier Mail is running a book review section or a gossip column.
- The Sci Fi Traveling Road Show: a podcast dedicated to science fiction, fantasy, and horror coming from small press. (via Locus)
- Neil Gaiman in podcast form.
- The New Yorker blows more imagery on Phil Collins than the man deserves: “His head is small and round, like a globe, and closely shaved, so that the dark patterns of hair suggest land and the bald parts suggest water.” WTF? Is Alec Wilkinson a new Conde Nast hire or is it still New Yorker policy to find ridiculous profundity in bland and soulless performers?
- How cool is this? Of Montreal were hired as wedding singers. (via the betrothed Tito Perez)
- Sometimes Gawker comes through.
- Booksellers are pissed by the Sunday Times paid placement article.
- Finally, Sarvas comes around.
Cool As Hell Juggernaut
I’ve been catching up on the excellent Cool as Hell podcasts. Of particular interest: Denotay Wilson and Norman Gee discussing their riff on Dante’s Inferno (with some interesting remarks on how Wilson convinced the Magic to take on the play) and this really zany conversation.
Slow News Day at the Post-Intelligencer
Clooney is still tops with women. This is news?