The Scotsman: “It is believed Roly Keating, the controller of BBC2, and Jana Bennett, the director of television, are among those who have been given security guard protection. “
Author / DrMabuse
Indecent Proposal 2: No Dollar Left Behind
Director Adrian Lyne announced that he would be directing a followup to his 1993 film, Indecent Proposal. Robert Redford and Demi Moore have agreed to reappear. Set ten years later, Redford will reappear as the millionaire — this time, having moved to Pennsylvania Avenue. Moore’s character has divorced Woody Harrelson, changed her name to Armstrong Williams, and become a journalist.
REDFORD: There are some rumors on the Internets that ten years ago, I offered you $1,000,000 to sleep with me.
MOORE: Well, you did.
REDFORD: Christ, Karl did all he can to cover up that missing year. I thought he brushed this one up.
MOORE: You weren’t particularly good in bed either.
REDFORD: Ssshh! Lower your voice! Do you want Laura to hear? I keep sending the twins in there with more books so’s I can meet with you.
MOORE: Frankly, I don’t care.
REDFORD: What will it take to shut you up? I mean, this kind of thing worked for Ted Kennedy.
MOORE: Well, how about this? Give me $250,000 and a syndicated column.
REDFORD: But what do I get in exchange?
MOORE: I’ll promote the No Child Left Behind Act.
REDFORD: $250,000?
MOORE: And it has to be tax dollars. I figure the way you’re throwing money around, nobody will notice.
REDFORD:MOORE: You’ll just have to learn to live without it. You’ve got lackeys for that.
REDFORD: Alright. Take this slip down to John Snow. Ask him to file it under petty cash.
Amusement
YPTR has discovered George Saunders Land. No amount of money or persuasion, however, will get the Walt Disney Corporation to add this onto Disneyland. Which is a pity, because Disneyland could always use a Saunders short short.
The Drunk
“I can’t breathe, motherfucker! I can’t breathe!”
The drunk had only his voice left, but he was determined to fight. A neighbor and I called from the window. We begged the police not to harm the man, to give him oxygen, and the fuzz knew they were being watched. So they didn’t beat him. The drunk had only blurred stamina and a voice that alerted every adjacent domicile that there was a skirmish in the premises. His limbs were pinned down by seven of San Francisco’s finest in the alley adjacent to my apartment. I had to wonder just what the hell it was he did exactly. Had he spurned chase? Had he assaulted an officer? Was he simply belligerent? There was a savage determination in the man’s voice to beat the odds. It took seven police officers to hold him down. Seven.
The liquor had fueled him. It had told him that he was immortal, whatever his problems, whatever his affliction. It had worked the same way that PCP might in another: the abject faith that he was above the law, that he would win in the end, that vengeance of an altogether irrational sort would be his. But the addiction, apparently, was too much for him to operate in society. Tonight, anyway.
Of the seven cops, one was a woman. The drunk, singular in his rebellion, had bitten her hand while they pinioned his limbs down. He called her a dyke. he egged them on. Aside from a feral “fucker” from the lady (an understandable impulse from anyone who had blood drawn from their hand), the SFPD did their job containing him without beating the man down. This was no Fajitagate. They only wanted to get him into the wagon. And the wagon arrived, backing into the alley and colliding into a few trash cans. There was a mesh grille behind the double doors, and I wondered if anyone else was there.
The drunk had been in the Marines at one point. He had been stationed on Treasure Island. So he said. You meet a lot of homeless people in this city, many of them claiming some military stint, some pledge unfulfilled. And he was determined to “fuck your fascist shit up,” thank you very much.
Me? I felt like one of Kitty Genovese’s watchers. Who the hell was I to cast judgment? But if the police clubbed this guy to death, I was determined to run into the alley and stop the violence. Fortunately, they didn’t.
But I sympathized with him. I wondered if he had been left behind at some point. I wondered about his military experience. I wondered what had caused him to become so blotto and so enraged. Had he been abandoned? Had he served in the Gulf War? Or was his life a grand lie?
One police officer for every limb. They threw him into the van and laughed a bit afterward. But I pondered the man’s fate. What would our current local services do to help him? What would our social programs do to reach him? Would he be released to the streets, only to unleash violence again? Or would he somehow find himself? Was this a drunk left to drink himself to death? Another high-maintenance person abandoned to the fateful gods of the streets?
Coffee-Deprived Roundup
- Good Reports has unveiled its second end-of-the-year panel, with Robert “Not a Jejune Fan” Birnbaum, Jessa Crispin, Alex “Johnny B.” Good, Maud “Will Most Certainly Finish Her Novel” Newton and Michael “Coolest Initials in the World” Orthofer.
- Scott Esposito has stumbled upon what may be the TBR photo to end all photos. The metadata reminds me of the moment in Fight Club where Edward Norton’s apartment turns into IKEA catalog items.
- Was Lincoln bisexual? Leave it to Gore Vidal to explore the theory. (via Moby)
- Sara Nelson files her last column at The Post, pointing out the lavish promotion funding thrown at Linda Fairstein. Too bad Fairstein’s net sales don’t seem to match the $1 million per book price tag. But apparently, an appearance on The Today Show has worked this time around. Her latest is one of the top 100 books on Amazon.
- Stephen King’s pimping Ron McLarty, who’s getting published after 32 years of effort.