Neglected to mention it, but Choire’s at the NYTBR.

J.M. Coetzee came out of the woodworks for the Adelaide Festival of Arts Writers’ Week, only to scare the bejesus out of people. Coetzee insisted that he will never give a lecture again, and that he would snap necks if anyone suggested that his Nobel speech or anything coming out of his mouth was a lecture. Coetzee wieleded a truncheon while speaking, randomly beating empty chairs between questions, and sometimes howling to the moon just before stating a declarative sentence. The Nobel winner can no longer be seen during the day. There are unconfirmed reports that fresh blood could be seen trickling down the corners of his mouth.

Jennifer Graham hates Dr. Seuss, noting facetiously that he was a failed novelist because To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street was rejected 43 times. Although I think the figure was actually 24 times, even 43 times is still par for the course. Alex Haley received 200 rejections before writing Roots. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance was rejected 121 times. Silence of the Lambs was rejected 28 times. The Naked and the Dead was rejected 12 times. Catch-22 was rejected 21 times (hence, the eponymous twenty-two). And, as an experiment (well before his big scandal), Jerzy Kosinski changed the names of the author and manuscript to see if his book would sell. Thirteen agents and fourteen publishers rejected it.

The moral of the story: Just as one can’t judge a book by its cover, it’s impossible to weigh a manuscript’s merits based on the number of rejections.

Spider-Man 3 is in the works. No word yet on whether Michael Chabon will be involved with this one, though Chabon himself doesn’t know what’s happened to his words on the second film. This confidence does suggest that we might see a continual story arc picked up from the second film, similar to Mario Puzo’s work in the first two Superman films. Variety reports that no director or actors have been signed, and the script has not been finalized. Furthermore, Harry Knowles has not yet bombarded the Web with half-assed rumors, near-lies and “inside sources.” So perhaps it’s premature to report anything before the hype.

Not only is more hip-hop lit being published, but it’s selling.

New NYRoB up. To be read later: Richard Horton’s “The Dawn of McScience”.

Jayson gets petty, claiming that quotes run in the Times broke the embargo and committed copyright infringement. The article quoted a total of 156 words from Blair’s book, roughly half the number of words quoted by The Nation in a precedent-setting 1985 Supreme Court decision. Things here aren’t helped by Bill Keller, when the ass claimed that copies of Blair’s book “have begun to circulate.” Chip McGrath’s review will run on March 14. Given how petty Blair and New Millenium have been with the Master’s House, I hope McGrath gives this little punkass hell.

First, Adam Moss to New York, now Frank Rich?

Sara Nelson weighs in on the Amazon flap. She dishes some dirt and brings up the obvious question of why Amazon is overinflated. But isn’t it a bit ironic that she’s using column-inches to plug her book in a column probing tainted influence?

The final word on style:

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!!!

???

were all so fatigued down here jimmy why dont you crack corn no i dont care seez there sit on my lap with the monkey yes he was good and he grows too if only you understood virility as much as i do even if i’m older than you and yes yes yes bust my basketballs and replace them with breasts mighty casabas and a large pair of pantaloons pantalettes panties pants trouser snakes in the garter strap it on hard backwards see, that way lies excess. it was a tale twice told by idiots signifying nothing. yet how easy twas before. when all the hype glassed emetic, hermetically sealed beneath sugar sugar. aw honey honey now forever associated with bastard bee, smart-looking dapper wings not a bad bone in the little insect’s body. there he is strutting around for some cereal. it’s enough to make you quit eating all this commercial rubbish, but then try and walk a day without passing the time.

the time had come to shoot the television. why waste hours on that sort of thing? in two hours, you could probably have some long really nice sex, unprotected if you were willing to take a risk. wow, kid, that’s gutsy. or in that time you could read half a mystery novel, provided it was entertaining, fast-moving, typeset with very wide line spacing and fairly short. but is that just as bad as the glass orb in the little room?

or you could have a nifty conversation with a stranger, assuming that the stranger sticks around and was willing to spill things about his/her/its life. most people are, you know.

but wither testicles? yes, it’s time for the operation. what you’ll need to do is slice the side then scoop in with a spoon DON’T FORGET THE MORPHINE remove some fluid that causes this hernia nightmare and then drill DON’T FORGET THE MORPHINE or if you’re daring wander about like tom green with only one. what would it be like to have three buttocks and one testicle? what would it be like to have breasts? beyond staring at the mirror all day, i’d probably spend all that time testing their sensitivity. i’d also see how well i’d do DON’T FORGET THE X in a wet t-shirt contest. maybe.

???

hey, trio. get lost. we’re trying to free associate.

!!!

yeah, you too. don’t be shocked. don’t pretend as if this is anything other than rainy day speculation.

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agreed

The Literary Saloon takes the piss out of Carole Matthews and product placement in literature. (via Mark)

Just so everybody’s clear (because my heart plummeted to the ground when I saw it in the bookstore today, only to realize it was a different book), there are actually two novels named The Cloud Atlas. One is a first novel by Liam Callanan. The other is written by Ghostwritten author David Mitchell. Since Mitchell has the hype of a million gods right now, fair is fair. Here’s a Detroit Free Press review for the Callanan book, and here’s Callanan’s website.