In Defense of Scrooge

The Toronto Star: “In other words, don’t question clichés. But this is precisely what Scrooge does at the beginning of the story, when the ‘portly gentlemen’ come soliciting. Here’s their pitch: ‘At this festive season of the year, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time.’ Oh? And they don’t suffer in January or February? They don’t feel hungry in July and August? Why should it not be just as ‘desirable’ to help out these wretches in those months? Why not go further, in fact? Why not make some ‘slight provision’ for the poor and destitute every single day of the year?”

Michael Levin: “If you think it is heartless of Scrooge to demand payment [from Bob Crachit], think of Sickly Sid, who needs an operation even more urgently than Tim does, and whose father is waiting to finance that operation by borrowing the money Cratchit is expected to pay up. ”

David E. Bumbaugh: “The problem with Dickens vision, of course, is that the Tiny Tims of the world must wait patiently to be discovered by the Ebenezer Scrooges of the world. What is more, they must hope that when the Scrooges stumble across them, it will be after their miserly hearts have been opened by the visitation of the Spirit of Christmas. Scrooge has the resources to save Tiny Tim, but Tim has no claim on Scrooge except whatever obligation his own redemption has laid upon the wealthy man. In the story, Scrooge learned to keep Christmas and to keep it well, and Tiny Tim was saved, but there is no suggestion that the unjust economic system was in any way altered, or that a thousand other Tiny Tims were not languishing and dying needlessly in that gray old city.”

Robert B. Reich, “Scrooge is Alive and Well in America”: “On the other hand, if you happen to work for one of those 24/7 call centers, you may have to work on Christmas Day. Security guards will be at their stations. Many convenience store operators, too. Also hospital staffs, caterers, hotel personnel, emergency repairers of all kinds, fire fighters, police officers, even the staff at Marketplace.”

If Rick Moody Described Paris Hilton

parishilton.jpegThe testicles are housed in a ruddy shaking sac barely filtered through hazy colors, Rick Saloman’s, his driving impetus, his force, his motive power, behind a cylindrical-shaped piston engine for all the purveyors and preeners and panderers and patronizers of cheap thrills to see, to download it across networks, to hear her bored moans, the dynamic phallus that drives the basest, perhaps the easiest, of human emotions, vaguely limp, sore after repeated use but still well on the way to repeated ejaculation, if only we had the whole tape, just below an unsightly gorbelly (if it is so; it’s hard to see) that may frighten cocker spaniels, premonitory and intransigent efforts, again and again into the orifice of a tawny wild-child from the rear, just this side of adulthood, a tattoo somewhere above the repeated point of entry, richness here against the smooth pure color of white sheets, coverlets and counterpanes placed down by the maid, what might she be thinking the next morning, sent through a powerful machine known to clean linen, silk, rayon, 100% all-purpose cotton, of hues of lapis lazuli, of chartreuse, of Day-Glo colors forgotten, the colors and shades and dark spasms of hotel and motel rooms from one side of the nation to another — but in this case, white, pure as snow, angelic, the color of America’s angel, again flattened hard, against the bed, her hands possibly clutching the comforter to humor Rick (and me, for my own priapism occurs as I write this sentence); moments later, a machine that this recherche City of Love (in name only) may inherit someday, if she breaks this curse that she should be ashamed of, if only people didn’t want to see a rich kid transform overnight into a soft-porn starlet, if only there was more to write about — but, no, I won the Guggenheim. What would Billy Faulkner have to say? He might have needed something else to download, if you catch my drift.

Miscellany

Recent Nobel Prize winner J.M. Coetzee says that television has replaced books as the imaginative impetus for kids. Apparently, he hasn’t heard of Harry Potter.

Is Rick Moody aware of periods?

The New Yorker has a profile on Lucia Joyce, James’ daughter, focusing on Lucia’s efforts to live in the shadow of a paternal genius and her father’s neglect. Lucia Joyce would later spend most of her years in an asylum. Carol Schloss’s book on the matter seems to suggest that Lucia was the price paid for Finnegan’s Wake and that she was instrumental in contributing to its imagery.

Jim Crace on research: “My wife and my editor think I do lots of research. And I encourage them in their delusion as it makes me seem hardworking. But actually I don’t research. I oppose research. What I do is a bit of background reading in order to work out how to tell my lies. I don’t look for information, I look for vocabulary and for the odd little emotional idea that will give some oxygen to my imagination. Vocabulary is the Trojan horse that smuggles the lie. Facts don’t help. If you’re not a persuasive talker at a party, no one’s going to believe you, even if everything you say is true. But if you’re a persuasive liar then everyone is fooled.”

The future of board games? The Boston Globe says Germany.

Hitler’s unpublished second book: “Hitler introduces significant new arguments, notably in relation to the United States, Europe, and, above all, the most crucial area of his foreign policy, relations with Britain, arguments which he had been developing in speeches and articles during 1926?8. ”

More end of the year lists:

The New York Times [The Bottom Line] (user: dr_mabuse, pw: mabuse)
The Washington Post [Fiction] [Nonfiction]
The Chicago Tribune [Best of 2002] (user: dr_mabuse, pw: mabuse)
The Seattle Times [Visual Arts (including The Pop-Up Kama Sutra!)] [Performing Arts] [Classical Arts] [Rock & Roll]
Amazon
The Christian Science Monitor [Top 5 Fiction] [Top 5 Nonfiction] [Noteworthy Fiction] [Noteworthy Nonfiction]

The Tough Love Colonel of Iraq

sassaman.jpgIn today’s New York Times, Battalion Commander Lt. Col. Nathan Sassaman had some helpful hints on how to garner respect from Iraqis: “With a heavy dose of fear and violence, and a lot of money for projects, I think we can convince these people that we are here to help them.”

Forget homebaked brownies or even a mellow guitarist singing “Kumbaya” just outside a shelled building. Apparently, the way to secure peace, love and understanding is to scare the shit out of the people you’re trying to befriend. So far, this has been accomplished with signs reading, “Do not approach or try to cross, or you will be shot” and by arresting family members of suspected “terrorists.”

I may have been too busy laughing my ass off when I read How to Win Friends and Influence People years ago, but I don’t think these unique approaches were mentioned by Mr. Carnegie.

Sassaman is 40, a pizza lover, and a former all-star quarterback for the Army, reportedly described as “cocky” by his peers. Some of his thoughts on handling situations can be found in this interview (user: dr_mabuse, pw: mabuse): “One of the seven rules I live by is, ‘Never let a fat guy pass you.'”

The colonel, to his credit, is trying. Back in October, he spent weeks educating his soldiers on Ramadan. A pamphlet entitled “Ramadan: A Guide for Soldiers” was disseminated among troops. ABC News reported one of the helpful hints: “After sundown when the fast is broken, do not be alarmed if you see large groups gathering to share a meal.”

In early November, Sassaman led a frenetic search through 70 homes for guns and suspects. The results? No weapons and resentment from the Iraqi people. In the same article, Sassaman was also reported as doing something highly undemocratic. As the Balad City Council was determining whether or not to get rid of a police chief, Sassaman grabbed the mike and boomed, “I hereby confirm the police chief to a six-month term.”

Sassaman has a firm maxim: “Our policy from the start has been: If you don’t shoot at us, you will be rewarded.” But how have the non-shooting people of Abu Hishma been rewarded? Israeli-style fences, checkpoint cards written only in English, and buildings destroyed with a shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later mentality.

There’s no possible way that any of us here on the homeland can be completely aware of the dangers in Iraq, or how the high-stress environment has taken its toll upon the soldiers. (To date, there have been nine suicides, most of them after combat operations were halted.) But last I heard, the whole idea of being in Iraq was to ensure democracy. While the deaths of soldiers has dwindled because of this new hard-line approach, I can’t help but ponder the long-term implications Sassaman’s actions will have: both for our troops and the people of Iraq.

Excerpts from Amazon’s “Abs of Steel” Reviews

“I found the tape a little dated relative to the appearance of the instructor but the excercises were just great.”

“What I like most is Tamilee. I liked Abs of Steel so much, I was inspired to get another one…by Denise Austin. Big mistake…I couldn’t stand her! It made me realize that if the trainer leading the workout is annoying, forget it! I still find Tamilee charming and interesting after having watched the tape many times.”

“I would have liked to have a warm up at the beginning on each section; it is such a pain to have to rewind the tape to warm up (if you are so inclined). Tammy lee’s cuing is great and she doesn’t have an annoying condescing tone in her voice that usually accompinies most instructors.”

“The instructor is extremely fake and over enthusiastic, but it’s worth it because the results are excellent!!!!”

“Much better than the Denise Austin Hit the Spot Abs video.”

But here’s the big question: does it come in Dolby Digital 5.1?

[3/22/04 UPDATE: I see that this was an attempt to pull a Harper’s Readings sort of thing. But it also arises because I’ve spent the past four months trying to figure out exactly how to flatten my tummy. The obvious answer is to start doing sit-ups. And the thought was that getting a video, perhaps something along the lines of Abs of Steel, would be the way to do this. But the thought of Abs of Steel being right next to my Criterion edition of Wild Strawberries was ridiculous. The 34ish waistline holds, though this may change in a few months. Or at least that is my hope.]

[8/9/04 UPDATE: The 34 waistline…uh…holds. It always holds for a man over thirty.]