• Apparently, Stephen King isn’t the only one offing himself in his novels. Kinky Friedman has committed literary suicide in his new book Ten Little New Yorkers. And that’s just the prologue. Personally, I’m waiting to see if these authors start murdering other novelists within their novels. After all, suicide seems a cowardly way to go. Even in fiction.
• The Godfather is being turned into a video game by Electronic Arts. What’s even more frightening is that new dialogue was recorded by the actors because the sound quality of the original film was “too dated to meet today’s technology standards.” Even Brando spent four hours in a booth shortly before dying, perhaps the most regrettable final role for a great actor since Orson Welles’ appearance in The Transformers: The Movie. Of course, when the inevitable “Sonny Lives (with Cher)!” MOD comes out, perhaps it might be worth a few hours of gameplay.
• No love for Brion Gysin? One of Burroughs’ seminal influences is getting a theatrical revival in a musical homage entitled The Dream Machine. In a related story, the story of Scooby and Shaggy’s literary influences will be developed into a play called The Mystery Machine, whereby Captain Underpants will receive its long-owed dues. Sadly, Scrappy Doo proved too small and intricate to reproduce for the stage.
• USA Today offers a roundup of debut novels.
• Bad enough that Taylor “Sentimental Hack” Hackford absconded with the legend of Ray Charles. Now he’s meddling with Charles Bukowski, with the humorless Sean Penn in tow. Can we all agree that if you have An Officer and a Gentleman and Against All Odds on your resume that you’re forbidden from weighing in on literary icons? The thing that kills me about today’s literary documentaries is that they seem to avoid the real interesting people. Where, for example, is director Barbet Schroeder, who once threatened to cut off his fingers if he couldn’t make Barfly?
• And this month’s literary criminal is Ronald Jordan, who apparently stole some 50,000 books and resold them at street stalls.

The amazing Quiddity turns five. YPTR turns one. Congratulations!

OGIC continues a new meme: name five movie quotes that pop immediately into your head.

1. “I was born when she kissed me, I died when she left me, I lived a few weeks while she loved me.” (In a Lonely Place)

2. “Careful man! There’s a beverage here!” (The Big Lebowski)

3. “Mistakes? We don’t make mistakes.” (Brazil, said just before a circular wall section falls through the floor)

4. “You’ll catch your death of cold!” / “Yes, I probably will. But that’s all part of life’s rich paegant, you know.” (A Shot in the Dark)

5. “Sex with you is a Kafakesque experience.” (Annie Hall)

First Omar Hariri. Now Tung Cheehwa. The way things are stacking up, we won’t have many international political figures left to write angry letters about.

Fortunately, there’s one constant in international politics: upheaval is good for a little pocket money.

With shameless financial incentive in mind, I called my Vegas contact, Chuck Bamboono, to get some hot tips. Here’s what he had to say.

BASHAR AL-ASSAD:
Odds of Resigning: 4 to 1
Tell: “The withdrawal should be very soon, might be during few months and not after that. I cannot give you a technical answer.” Well, that’s putting it lightly. Uncertainty is a harsh mistress. It’s either resignation or untimely assassination, my friend. Get out while you still can.

ARIEL SHARON:
Odds of Resigning: 200 to 1
Tell: Even with Arafat, you can’t stop the animosity. And do you think Sharon wants to stop now that the alleged “dream” is just beyond reach?

GEORGE BUSH:
Odds of Resigning: 5,000 to 1
Tell: Stubborn is as stubborn does.