Our chief weapon is a character death. A character death and another character dying…our TWO chief weapons are a character death, another character dying, and yet another…our THREE chief weapons…
Category / Harry Potter
The Not So Magnificent Seven
J.K. Rowling: “For 2006 will be the year when I write the final book in the Harry Potter series….I have been fine-tuning the fine-tuned plan of seven during the past few weeks so that I can really set to work in January. Reading through the plan is like contemplating the map of an unknown country in which I will soon find myself.”
Translation: “Holy shit! The cash cow’s running out. Will they even take me seriously as a writers once Harry Potter’s done? Did they take me seriously? Better make sure I’m set for life. Note to self: call Herb my investment banker. Keep the red phone humming and the hype machine on overdrive.”
Take Away the G and Hogwarts Is An Anagram of “Shot Raw”
The folks at Yankee Potroast are back — and this time, they’re skewering Harry Potter, including “The New Harry Potter Book, As Dictated By My Boss, Brian Schmutto” and “Harry Potter and the Magic of Puberty.”
Afternoon Headlines
- The illustrious Mark Sarvas has served up spectacular coverage of the L.A. Times Book Festival. He even makes a noble attempt to understand Steve Almond. We also wish Mr. Sarvas the best wishes on his new reign as a teacher.
- A new novel penned by the late Park Tae-won has been found. The new book’s called Flag of Motherland and is the first novel Park wrote before crossing the border during the Korean War.
- Arianna Huffington has launched a group blog. Alarmingly, Michael Medved is involved.
- Why publicist Shawn Le thought we’d be interested in this thing is a mystery. But we can’t resist exposing yet another reason why James Patterson should be avoided at all costs. We thought at first that it was an obscene joke, but Patterson has devised a blog for his new book, Maximum Ride. This dreadful tie-in can be accessed through James Patterson’s official site. The novel involves genetically engineered killing machines hunting creatures who are 98% human, 2% bird. A sample entry reads: “It?s finally starting to look like spring and the flying is great! It?s still a little chilly but there?s no better skyline to glide over then New York! Angel, Gassy, nudge and even Fang is in a good mood! We all want to fly, unfortunately all the regular people are looking up and enjoying the sun – not good for 6 winged kids trying to keep a low profile.”
- Steve Stern doesn’t get any respect, and he’s been turning out literary fiction for 25 years.
- Apparently, the twelve men who have walked the moon are “an unusually dull lot.”
- Ever since she appeared in The Incredibles, Sarah Vowell now has to contend with little girls coming up to her at book signings. At least she hasn’t been showered with spare security blankets.
- The casting of Harry Potter’s girlfriend has unleashed a good deal of racism on the Internet.
- Two public libraries in the UK reopened with new buildings. Guess what? The number of book loans went up.
AM Roundup
- Carrie Fisher will write a book revealing several secrets behind the Star Wars trilogy. Among some of the telling details: Mark Hamill was a midget who received two leg implants to increase his height, costume designer John Mollo modeled Chewbacca after a shag carpet he had the misfortune to walk on during a bad acid trip, and crew members were ordered to rub George Lucas’ feet and call him “Joseph Campbell II” before setting up each shot.
- John Lescroart has donated $50,000 to the UC Davis graduate writing program. Lescroart remarked this was better than wasting it on a hair transplant.
- An academic conference (and, as a reader has noted, not the first of its kind) for the Harry Potter books has been established. Events include “Getting Stoned at Hogwarts — The Gorgon Threat in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets,” “Whodunnit? The case against Remus Lupin,” and “How statistics and computer-based visualisations contribute to our understanding of Harry Potter.” Too bad that nobody came up with a seminar called “Beyond Harry Potter: What do we read do when J.W. Rowling stops writing?” (And if Potter isn’t bad enough, consider the Smiths.)
- It’s not much of a shocker, but it never hurts to be reminded how much Amazon knows about you.
- The Age chronicles the elastic nature of Kris Hemensley’s career.
- Mein Kampf has been selling like hotcakes in Turkey.
- A new book, Shakespeare Goes to Paris, suggests that the Bard might be getting a cold reception in France.
- The inevitable litmus test has been applied to JSF’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Even Laura Miller has been left cold.