I’m pretty goddam appalled to be an American right now. See these yahoos for yourself.
Month / April 2004
Nader Prepares for Football Hike; Team Nowhere to Be Found
The Condition
Taking up Stephany’s challenge:
In this condition: stirred by the twain into a soupçon of solicitude; by pinching pennies and damning dollars; by sending purty li’l packages for a pittance; by denying lucre and limning love; by considering clauses to clear in two months and deposits and Type A tyros; by maintaining a half-true smile and sending a courteous note when they offer declarations that seal a sunny door shut; by pounding on these doors and feeling the bruised impact of brick walls; by not giving up and planning pirouettes in one fell swoop, the dim light of a borderline fall from grace dappling upon my shoulders, the nutty Kenny Rogers sixties song in the back; by anything which upgrades current beta test into something rosy and spurting; by anything darn tootin’, notwithstanding the frigid fingers icing my warmth, fools unwielding muzzles and cashing blood in at the bank; saying no to anything that cuts down my soul, dodging rash motions of machetes, the jaws of crocodiles; saying no even when they hear yes, clearing the brine and chastity belt, keeping spry; anything warm and equal, any hinterland where no one gives a dam, allowing rivulets to burst and grand dreams to happen.
The Saddest Bachelor Meal
Tom and I have concluded that the saddest bachelor meal is this:
An open, leftover can of Spaghetti-Os, unheated and eaten out of the can with a dirty fork, eaten alone and washed down with a bottle of white Zinfiandel (or perhaps one of those boxed versions) that’s been in the fridge for at least a week.
Neither of us would ever stoop this low. But someone in this universe has probably consumed just this.
The real question is: Can anyone top this? I urge readers to offer their thoughts on this very pressing matter. Failing that, what’s the worst meal you’ve ever served yourself at home?
He Would Have Stayed If Someone Had Muzzled a Great Dane
The Guardian: “Actor John C Reilly has reportedly quit Lars Von Trier’s Manderlay in protest over the killing of a donkey.” (via Liz Penn)