Archive for December, 2003

  • I never thought I’d see the day when the Atlantic advocated racist generalizations. Actually, it’s the white guys who never seem to wash their hands in the bathroom. Generally the...

    The John Birch Monthly

    I never thought I’d see the day when the Atlantic advocated racist generalizations. Actually, it’s the white guys who never seem to wash their hands in the bathroom. Generally the...

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  • Today, please adjust the settings in your mind, as follows: 4:00 PM: Yearly Self-Diagnostic. Run defrag program. Check for viruses. Finish organizing and prioritizing memories of 2003 events. 5:17 PM:...

    Your Brain’s Guide to a Safe New Year

    Today, please adjust the settings in your mind, as follows: 4:00 PM: Yearly Self-Diagnostic. Run defrag program. Check for viruses. Finish organizing and prioritizing memories of 2003 events. 5:17 PM:...

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  • Patrice Moore, a 43 year old one-time mail clerk, was trapped under a pile of books and paper. Emergency workers filled 50 garbage bags with paper. It’s still not nearly...

    Cutting Off the Collectors

    Patrice Moore, a 43 year old one-time mail clerk, was trapped under a pile of books and paper. Emergency workers filled 50 garbage bags with paper. It’s still not nearly...

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  • Way to go, Brian! And, another good victory. Bertrand Russell’s last essay: “There could be a happy world, where co-operation was more in evidence than competition, and monotonous work is...

    More Quickies

    Way to go, Brian! And, another good victory. Bertrand Russell’s last essay: “There could be a happy world, where co-operation was more in evidence than competition, and monotonous work is...

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  • Today, Wood S Lot reminded me that eighty-one years ago, one of the most underappreciated American novelists was born. I first came across Gaddis when I was 25, stumbling through...

    Gaddis Was The Man

    Today, Wood S Lot reminded me that eighty-one years ago, one of the most underappreciated American novelists was born. I first came across Gaddis when I was 25, stumbling through...

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  • No less an authority than University of Wisconsin professor Barbara Chatton has revealed that the film form is bad for Dr. Seuss. Chatton notes that the predictable rhymes make the...

    Snaps

    No less an authority than University of Wisconsin professor Barbara Chatton has revealed that the film form is bad for Dr. Seuss. Chatton notes that the predictable rhymes make the...

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  • Here’s my Mayfly 20 word capsule: Holed up, reborn, maturity, resolve, decisions, less damnations, hitting the ground running, whipping my lazy ass for next year’s kill. [8/8/05 UPDATE: Yup, this...

    Mayfly

    Here’s my Mayfly 20 word capsule: Holed up, reborn, maturity, resolve, decisions, less damnations, hitting the ground running, whipping my lazy ass for next year’s kill. [8/8/05 UPDATE: Yup, this...

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  • Shortly after Xmas, I was astonished to get this email: Dear Mr. Champion: Randy’s at it again. Every time our family gets together for the holidays, not only does my...

    The Un-Ethicist

    Shortly after Xmas, I was astonished to get this email: Dear Mr. Champion: Randy’s at it again. Every time our family gets together for the holidays, not only does my...

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  • Apparently, Ewan McGregor’s uncle (Denis Lawson, who played Wedge Antilles in the original Star Wars trilogy) turned Ian McEwan’s infamous short story,”Solid Geometry,” into a film last year. [Denis Lawson...

    Solid Contentions

    Apparently, Ewan McGregor’s uncle (Denis Lawson, who played Wedge Antilles in the original Star Wars trilogy) turned Ian McEwan’s infamous short story,”Solid Geometry,” into a film last year. [Denis Lawson...

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  • Angry Asian Man points to this fascinating article on the booming plastic surgery in Asia: “The culturally loaded issue today is the number of Asians looking to remake themselves to...

    Putting the Cock in Caucasian

    Angry Asian Man points to this fascinating article on the booming plastic surgery in Asia: “The culturally loaded issue today is the number of Asians looking to remake themselves to...

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  • The Guardian has an excerpt of Carol Shield’s unfinished novel, Segue, which she was working on at the time of her death. Terry Gross interviews Stephen King. Hearing Terry Gross...

    Quickies

    The Guardian has an excerpt of Carol Shield’s unfinished novel, Segue, which she was working on at the time of her death. Terry Gross interviews Stephen King. Hearing Terry Gross...

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  • According to the Google News algorithm, six American lives are worth more than 20,000 Iranian lives.

    Res Ipsa Loquitur

    According to the Google News algorithm, six American lives are worth more than 20,000 Iranian lives.

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  • The streets remain quiet, even after Xmas has come and gone. Those who remain hide behind locked doors. But some can be found on buses or in bars, reclining in...

    Report

    The streets remain quiet, even after Xmas has come and gone. Those who remain hide behind locked doors. But some can be found on buses or in bars, reclining in...

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  • Karl Rove reads “Santa’s New Reindeer.” Beyond the expected lack of conviction, let me count the many ways that this is wrong.

    A Very Scary Xmas

    Karl Rove reads “Santa’s New Reindeer.” Beyond the expected lack of conviction, let me count the many ways that this is wrong.

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  • Melissa Panarello’s One Hundred Strokes of the Hairbrush Before Going to Sleep, the latest “sexually frank memoir,” is different from the usual memoirs, but only in the sense that Larry...

    Can They Sink Any Lower?

    Melissa Panarello’s One Hundred Strokes of the Hairbrush Before Going to Sleep, the latest “sexually frank memoir,” is different from the usual memoirs, but only in the sense that Larry...

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  • Sarah points to this article on Philip K. Dick adaptations, which suggests that the best PKD movies are those made by directors dismissive of the source material. The Post article...

    Script Before the Book

    Sarah points to this article on Philip K. Dick adaptations, which suggests that the best PKD movies are those made by directors dismissive of the source material. The Post article...

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  • Okay, folks, here’s what I know about the Eggers-Where the Wild Things Are connection. I contacted Playtone Productions, the production company that’s behind Where the Wild Things Are. (I won’t...

    The Eggers Rumor

    Okay, folks, here’s what I know about the Eggers-Where the Wild Things Are connection. I contacted Playtone Productions, the production company that’s behind Where the Wild Things Are. (I won’t...

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  • Oddly enough, I had a “date” similar to this, though nowhere nearly as extreme: ME: Why is she walking home and why are you picking her up. AFV (now in...

    Nice Guys & Lesbians

    Oddly enough, I had a “date” similar to this, though nowhere nearly as extreme: ME: Why is she walking home and why are you picking her up. AFV (now in...

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  • Jospeh T. Hallinan’s Going Up the River has countless revelations for anyone interested in how the prison-industrial complex has changed American life. But two, so far, have particularly stuck out...

    Work in the Prison

    Jospeh T. Hallinan’s Going Up the River has countless revelations for anyone interested in how the prison-industrial complex has changed American life. But two, so far, have particularly stuck out...

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  • For all those who have offered, “Happy holidays,” thank you for the well-wishes that don’t specifically reference Xmas. Happy holidays and good cheer back to you. For those who have...

    Bah Humbug

    For all those who have offered, “Happy holidays,” thank you for the well-wishes that don’t specifically reference Xmas. Happy holidays and good cheer back to you. For those who have...

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  • Infinity expert A.W. Moore compares David Foster Wallace’s Everything and More against two other books specializing in the subject and concludes that DFW is wrong: “The sections on set theory,...

    Quickies

    Infinity expert A.W. Moore compares David Foster Wallace’s Everything and More against two other books specializing in the subject and concludes that DFW is wrong: “The sections on set theory,...

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  • 4,000 men were questioned in Britain. The results: Married men are more likely to suffer mental health problems than those who live with their partners. But the reverse holds true...

    Prisoner’s Dilemma

    4,000 men were questioned in Britain. The results: Married men are more likely to suffer mental health problems than those who live with their partners. But the reverse holds true...

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  • What Tom Ridge Said: “I don’t think we’ve got to worry about threat fatigue. We need to be on the alert and America needs to know that those who need...

    Their Threat Fatigue and We Need To Do My Things On Your Alert

    What Tom Ridge Said: “I don’t think we’ve got to worry about threat fatigue. We need to be on the alert and America needs to know that those who need...

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  • British practitioners are tired of writing doctor’s notes. Apparently, there’s a rampant epidemic of comparative note shopping. This collection of notes, however, suggests that the aspiring malingerer might be better...

    Doctors, Lytton & More

    British practitioners are tired of writing doctor’s notes. Apparently, there’s a rampant epidemic of comparative note shopping. This collection of notes, however, suggests that the aspiring malingerer might be better...

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  • Reading on a Dream: I hope these kids take their show on the road. Opening night at the Library of Congress? Somewhat Related Link: If Libraries Were Like Amazon.

    I’ve Always Wanted to Do This

    Reading on a Dream: I hope these kids take their show on the road. Opening night at the Library of Congress? Somewhat Related Link: If Libraries Were Like Amazon.

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  • Maud’s posted a great little ditty on pallor. But I must assure Ms. Newton that she don’t have jack on my albino ass. For years, I was terrified of wearing...

    Beyond the Pale

    Maud’s posted a great little ditty on pallor. But I must assure Ms. Newton that she don’t have jack on my albino ass. For years, I was terrified of wearing...

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  • Last night’s planned baking extravaganza went awry. The situation was perhaps best described by today’s Chronicle in a remarkably redundant headline: Blackout puts S.F. in the dark. Personally, I’ve always...

    I’ve Got the Power

    Last night’s planned baking extravaganza went awry. The situation was perhaps best described by today’s Chronicle in a remarkably redundant headline: Blackout puts S.F. in the dark. Personally, I’ve always...

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  • While trying to score some bakeware this afternoon, I ran smack dab into a huge display that read “Emeril.” Physically, I was unharmed. Emotionally, however, I was quite devastated. “Emeril,”...

    Who the Hell is Emeril?

    While trying to score some bakeware this afternoon, I ran smack dab into a huge display that read “Emeril.” Physically, I was unharmed. Emotionally, however, I was quite devastated. “Emeril,”...

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  • Like everyone, the Muthafu’in Holidays have kept me so perplexed that I’m dropping key letters from colorful adjectives and creating nonsense. Expect something coherent again on Monday. In the meantime,...

    Bad Santa

    Like everyone, the Muthafu’in Holidays have kept me so perplexed that I’m dropping key letters from colorful adjectives and creating nonsense. Expect something coherent again on Monday. In the meantime,...

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  • Well, now that I’ve seen It (It being a high-profile film release that will make many people rich this week alone), I must confess that I’m a bit disappointed. Not...

    ___________ of the ___________

    Well, now that I’ve seen It (It being a high-profile film release that will make many people rich this week alone), I must confess that I’m a bit disappointed. Not...

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