Month / May 2008
Roundup
- I’ve been reading a lot of Iain Banks of late. And I haven’t had this much fun reading in a while. Anyone who can write the sentence, “What the crushingly powerful four-limbed hug would have done to a human unprotected by a suit designed to withstand pressures comparable to those found at the bottom of an ocean probably did not bear thinking about, but then a human exposed without protection to the conditions required to support Affronter life would be dying in at least three excitingly different and painful ways anyway without having to worry about being crushed by a cage of leg-thick tentacles,” is a man after my own heart. And I’m kicking myself for not having read the Culture novels earlier, particularly after Player of Games and Excession. Lengthy ruminations on Banks will eventually follow. But in the meantime, this YouTube video of Banks showing off his study reveals him to be quite a funny man. For those who didn’t know this already.
- The hatred towards overweight people in this post is outright sociopathic. I am appalled. What cretin could find such slurs and cheap shots funny? What atavistic mind could take pleasure in this exercise? People come together to a convention to meet others and discuss topics that they’re interested in. Images with Photoshopped frowns and hateful captions are the thanks they get? I am further appalled to discover that not a single comment has lodged a protest against these calumnies. Well, since “Zathlazip” cannot be bothered to provide her real name, I should note that investigation reveals the coward’s name to be Rachel Moss. She lives in Wisconsin, having moved out there after a stint at John Hopkins. Let that name live in infamy. (UPDATE: For those who missed out on this, I think The Angry Black Woman sums up the incident quite well. I share her explanation for why I will not remove Rachel Moss’s name and why I have little sympathy for what Rachel Moss did.)
- Mark Sarvas scores a Seattle Times profile, which is fine and all. But where’s the talk of Harry, Revised? Where are the necessary queries into literary erections? Where are the pivotal questions about how many funerals Mr. Sarvas has been to? How frequently he has had sartorial mishaps? The spinning debacles he keeps from the public at large? This is journalism, dammit! The questions must be deployed!
- So the insufferable Joe Queenan praises Scandinavian mystery writers. And you think to yourself that Queenan has, after a relentless torrent of grumpy and remarkably unfunny articles bemoaning everything under the sun, finally found something he likes! But then, at the end, the article drifts into an anticlimactic cynicism that cancels out the praise, leaving one to wonder what exactly Queenan’s purpose is in life. But I think I have a solution to the Queenan problem. To my knowledge, Queenan hasn’t written anything about Uwe Boll. But if someone were to whisper something into Boll’s ear about how Queenan savaged Boll in one of his pieces, Boll could then challenge Queenan to a boxing match, and Queenan could then get thoroughly trounced, and he might learn a bit of humility. Yes, it’s an unlikely scenario. Queenan learning humility, that is. But one can certainly dream.
- Is The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction washed up?
- Shameless Words, we hardly knew ye!
- Old news, but blogs don’t necessarily mean bestselling books.
- Will Self has won the 2008 Wodehouse Prize for his latest novel, The Butt, which is out in the UK and hits the States on September 16. The judges showed especially good sense in having Self triumph over Garrison Keillor, a man who may be categorized as “funny” but who cannot provide sufficient evidence. In fact, social scientists have been searching for years for a sufficient exemplar — a mass audience that actually finds Keillor funny. Unfortunately, the last recorded audience who found Keillor funny (at a minimum of 60%) was in 1988.
- Toles rips off Jaffee!
RIP Dick Martin
Contents of Box
- A yellow legal-sized writing pad containing mysterious ideas and plans.
- An issue of Mike Hampton’s Hot Zombie Chicks.
- Minidisc case reading “Babbling — Raw #7. Also, The Babbling Project #1.” (No minidisc.)
- Minidisc case reading “1. Babble 2 6/6/00.” (No minidisc.)
- Mindisc (with case) reading “Babbling #8.”
- Y adapter for telephone line.
- Minidisc case — scratched and unmarked. (No minidisc.)
- Floppy disk with label scratching out Intellipoint driver, reading “ME — Startup.”
- Floppy disk (unmarked, unlabeled).
- Various audiocassettes from November 2004 containing interviews that I conducted to research a still unfinished polyamory play.
- Minidisc, with case reading “The Babbling Project #2.”
- Blue Sharpie
- Box of Bostich No. 10 1000 mini staples
- Unlabeled green floppy disk
- Floppy disk reading “Creative stuff began @ work I”
- Damaged minidisc with Chet Atkins and mysterious “Test 7/21/00” label.
- Blue Pocket Etch A Sketch
- CD — containing driver for Olympus digital camera I no longer own.
- Unusued Ampex magnetic tape still in shrink wrap.
- 3M Recording Tape containing audio for uncompleted film.
- Many business cards.
- Many mysterious microcassettes — what’s on them?
- An incomplete San Francisco Secondary Schools Pass.
- A minicomic — Melina Mena’s Sour Milk Sea.
- A 2004 monthly calendar designed by my friend Tom Working.
- A strange package containing an adaptation cable for a video card that was fried sometime in 2005.
- A small bottle of Advil PM. (It’s still good! The expiration date is 10/09.)
- Many 3×5 index cards.
- A red Bostitch mini stapler.
- Many VHS videotapes containing (among many movies) Soapdish, episodes of the animated Star Trek series, episodes of Blake’s 7, Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, episodes of Doctor Who and Monty Python, Twelve Angry Men, Sullivan’s Travels, Miracle Mile, episodes of The Simpsons, episodes of The Prisoner, Quick Change, an HBO special starring Rowan Atkinson, Suspiria, and Poison Ivy (recorded, no doubt, because of the promise of Sara Gilbert and Drew Barrymore naked).
- A pair of red scissors.
- A small journal I had forgotten about that contains the sentence, written in 1999, “I am slightly fearful of being laced with Judeo-Christian nonsense.”
- A CD containing photos of a play I wrote and directed many years ago for a small venue.
- An additional CD containing the sound cues for Wrestling an Alligator.
- A mysterious 5 1/4″ floppy — what’s on it? how to transfer?
- Numerous writing instruments.
- An unopened box containing a corner brace — 1-1/2 in. x 3/4 in.
- A student ID from 1991 in which I actually had hair.
- A Swingline package containing 5,000 standard staples.
- A floppy labeled, “YES! 4/97 Job Search.”
- A floppy labeled, “Servant of Society.”
- A receipt from Stacey’s Bookstore, dated 05/04/07, for Bleak House. (I still haven’t finished that book.)
- The Fat Camille Omnibus 2007 by Camille Offenbach.
- Another minicomic: Nitsy and Bitsy.
- A CD labeled “80s MP3s.” (Shudder.)
- An undeveloped roll of Fujicolor film from who knows when. (What pictures are on this?)
- Julia Wertz’s I Saw You…: Missed Connection Comics #1.
- A handout for an improv class that I took in 2005.
- A handout from MUNI on “Ballpark Service Tickets and Fares.
- A spare serial drive cable.
- 2 AA batteries — still good?
- A UHU STIC gluestick.
- Many DV tapes — containing what?
- Two VGA to DFI adapters.
- Printout of Segundo scheduling spreadsheet from 2006.
- 16mm yellow leader tape.
Most of this will probably be thrown away. But unfortunately, I’m too curious about the data that might be on some of these tapes. I’m additionally curious as to where I obtained some of this stuff. This curiosity, I suppose, is the problem with moving. When setting up in the new digs, I will likely expend a considerable amount of time trying to find a use for nearly everything on this list.
Ancient Job Evaluation Report
Employee: Ed Champion
Strong Points
- Flexible with hours and volunteers for evening and daytime overtime when available
- Recently demonstrated a willingness to help others in the office
- Willing to take criticism and improve
- Knows WP and Excel well
- Tasks are completed timely
- Good at staying in contact with attorneys
Points for Improvement
- Interactions with some people are defensive and prickly; needs to work on improving working relationships
- Pay better attention to detail, proofread work, do filing promptly
- Prioritize and delegate when appropriate
- Needs to focus on ______ work between 9 and 5:30
- Interrupts without showing courtesy to those in conversation
- Slow down and listen to instructions
- Show initiation in taking on new assignments or projects
Goals
- Keep work to a consistent level throughout the year
- Improve communications skills and relationships
Overall Performance Results: Meets Expectations
These are all good points for improvement, some of them still applicable. But at the risk of coming across as “defensive and prickly,” I should observe that my “defensive and prickly” interactions largely involved one attorney who took a good deal of his time to speak to me in a condescending tone about tasks that any well-trained monkey could perform. He did this over and over because his life was miserable, and he wanted to make other lives miserable. (And he did. But he has not yet made partner.) This may likewise explain the point suggesting that I needed to “slow down and listen to instructions.”