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albtraum
albtraum
16 years ago

I’m trying to be kinder and gentler online lately, but I can’t help myself. Dude. Think before you write. If you think you’re already thinking before you write, then all I can tell you is you need to THINK HARDER.

Your first sentence. We have an entire genre of novels which is somehow lost in an elderly haze. (Why is it elderly? Because you couldn’t resist a quibble on the prefix “super-” for no reason.) In spite of being very old and lost in a haze, this genre is also simultaneously chasing after the exhaust of the comic book industry.

The exhaust from this metaphoric vehicle, rather than being exhaust as we normally know it, is somehow both “bright” and “profitable”.

However, there is a problem. The dog/person is not as mirthful as a recent dog/person who chased the profitable exhaust. Insufficient mirth in an exhaust-chaser! What a dilemma!

In just one sentence, you manage to bungle about six metaphors. Superhero novels are like a very old, visually impaired, insufficiently mirthful dog or person chasing after a vehicle which is spitting out money and light instead of exhaust.

This is amazing stuff. I’m only surprised that you didn’t somehow work flying monkeys, Chechnya, space travel, fig trees or Bic pens into your metaphor. It was crying out for them!

albtraum
albtraum
16 years ago

Well, at least I apparently don’t have to worry about hurting your feelings with my criticism – you seem very optimistic.

I keep commenting on here because of a contradiction I’m trying to grapple with. You seem to have relatively good taste in literature in some ways, but are yourself apparently unable to write two sentences in a row without a mixed metaphor or malapropism. It’s kind of fascinating. I’ll try to stay away if I can in the future.