Year / 2005

by Edward Champion

Election Night

At this point, Props 73 and 75 are leading by 50.2% (both of them at that figure strangely enough). These are the propositions I’m truly against and I’m really concerned. Here’s what I know about California: We’re a funny place when it comes to propositions and, hell, politics in general. The state that prides itself on sunshine and good health and New Age philosophy is also the world’s fifth largest economy. Because of this strange confluence (or perhaps just to prove ourselves distinct), the state has a sizable red-blooded American streak. We proved this with Props 187 and 209 a few years ago. And I suspect that, as close as the race is, we’ll prove it again and pass these two wretched propostions by a hairline margin. Then again, maybe not. Maybe Arnold’s low approval rating will somehow have an impact. I certainly hope to hell that the state population doesn’t buy Arnold’s argument that taking away what precious rights a young woman has to get an abortion or stripping a health care professional of her rights somehow “empowers” the California population.

But then I could be wrong. In the time I wrote the above passage, Prop 73 has just slipped into the no margin. Whoopee! Prop. 75, on the other hand..

[MORNING UPDATE: All of Arnold’s props lost. Very proud to be a Californian.]

by Edward Champion

Beginning a Literary Feud

When I first met Jared Wilson, I knew instantly that I was in the presence of a small rodent who can’t refrain from burrowing into a skull he can never hope to penetrate. One encounters such muskrats, of course, on an everyday basis. But never ones quite like Mr. Wilson, who, not coincidentally I think, shares the unfortunate name of the most boring character (indeed, the one who deserves all vengeance wreaked by the young Dennis) ever created for the Sunday comics page.

Far from a mere bag of bones, Mr. Wilson is a walking accident who has clutched to the sad illusion that he is some kind of seminal artist. Unfortunately, when one writes Wilson’s novels — the kind of books that have the appeal of unwiped semen stains in a taxi cab seat — one wonders if Wilson subconsciously had a different sort of seminal in mind.

An epicurean with a solid literary instinct might sustain an ardent hope that parvenus of Jared Wilson would expire gracefully from the world of letters. But so long as the four steady notes of Wilson’s out-of-tune Fender guitar find favor with the charnel houses of the publishing industry, even the basest of literary arts is doomed.

by Edward Champion

Voting Problems in San Francisco?

At the Page Street Library, there’s something crooked going on.

I voted this morning. Not only was the Eagle machine which recorded my vote malfunctioning (it took about eight tries before the Eagle machine took the ballot, but the lady (whose name, I have discerned, is Irena) actually looked at my ballot and said to me, “Are you sure you want to vote that way?” Further, I did not receive a voting stub back from my ballot. Just the offer of an orange sticker that said “I voted today.” Did my vote even count this morning? Was the machine even recording my results right? Further, are Irena’s remarks swaying other voters from making an informed decision?

I wasn’t the only person subject to Irena’s catty questions. My neighbor also experienced this.

I am greatly shocked by all this. I have voted in every election since I was 18 and have never once seen such political influence, in clear violation of election laws, maintained within the inner sanctum like this.

I’ve tracked down the appropriate person (a very nice lady named Hortensia) at the San Francisco Department of Elections and got them to pledge to replace the Eagle machine and look into Irena’s corrupt behavior today.

Needless to say, if anyone else in San Francisco is experiencing anything fishy, please let the Department of Elections know about this. The phone number is 415-554-4375.