Billy Joel: “Fuck You”
Written by Edward ChampionPosted on November 20, 2008
Filed Under Music, joel-billy
A few days ago, I openly pondered why Billy Joel’s “A Matter of Trust” was released to the airwaves. I vowed to track down the people responsible, but, frankly, I forgot about the issue altogether. But tonight, Billy Joel responded from Australia (where he is now preparing for a few tour dates) through one of his Robert Burns LLC email accounts with the following comment:
Here’s my ‘ouvre’ – Fuck You. Sincerely, Billy Joel
Presumably, the jet lag that Mr. Joel was suffering from caused him to misspell “oeuvre.” Or perhaps he is not accustomed to typing. But I’m disappointed. Frankly, I expected more from Mr. Joel. Perhaps some lengthy explanation on why he steered down this regrettable musical path and gave us “A Matter of Trust.” Perhaps a defense of the endless F Sharps and C Sharps within this particular song. Yes, it can’t be easy to take some constructive criticism when you’re sitting on millions of dollars. And it can’t be easy when you’re a major pop star now relying on AutoTune to sing the national anthem on live television. But let us give Mr. Joel the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps Mr. Joel is suggesting with his answer that his entire career has been predicated on saying “Fuck You” to the general public. And if that’s the case, then I thank Mr. Joel for his candor. Perhaps things would be different if a little bit of this “Fuck You” attitude was in the new material. But “Fuck You” is Mr. Joel’s explanation. And “Fuck You” represents Billy Joel’s career from 1985 onwards. Which is a pity. Because I actually kind of liked his early stuff.
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Glass Houses was the pinnacle of his career. Or maybe Piano Man. Either way, I’m also of the “early Billy” camp.
No love for 52nd Street, Annalee?
[...] And just for fun: Billy Joel registers a weak defense of one of his worst songs. [...]
A “fuck you” from Neil Diamond would’ve been hipper.
“Yes, it can’t be easy to take some constructive criticism when you’re sitting on millions of dollars.”
It’s brilliances like this that makes me read American blogs!
Wrong again, professor. The ‘Fuck You’ was meant for you and your pathetic assumptions . I don’t owe you a lengthy explanation for anything. The representative melody notes you wrote in your constructive criticism” were wrong, your theory regarding what kind of radio format the song was intended for were wrong, your description of the vocal performance was wrong, [ I was actually trying to sing like Robert Palmer - although I probably failed miserably ], your inability or your refusal to follow a simple lyric pattern is symptomatic of either a mental disorder or a hearing defect, and your accusation that I used an ‘Auto Tune’ device is an outright lie. I’ve never used a pitch-corrector and I never will. As for your insistence on referring to my work as my ‘oeuvre’ – that is about as ‘fey’ as it gets. I don’t write for you OR an audience, Champ; I write for me. And if I don’t wish to continue providing pleasing little tunes for you, or remaining in the comfortable little box that you insist I should stay in, that is your problem – not mine [ as is your insipid comment about my millions of dollars ]. So Fuck You once more – just for old times sake. Sincerely, Billy Joel
Okay Billy: Let’s give you the benefit of the doubt. How do you explain the odious modulation in pitch in the above clip? Obviously, SOMEONE was fucking with your voice. And I highly doubt that a guy who has your resources would NOT have been aware of this. There are these things called soundchecks. So don’t even begin to declare me “mentally retarded” when the evidence above indicates that you were singing very much like a mental retard due to AutoTune or some other wretched pitch modulation, which you claim that you “never use.” Except that’s exactly what happened here, didn’t it, Billy? Boy, it must suck to be caught with your pants down. And you can’t even provide an explanation for the above video clip! Which if you are such a pure artist and all would seem to me the thing to do.
And Robert Palmer? Don’t even begin to tell me that mimicking Robert Palmer is your way of standing out like fucking Paul Robeson or Enrico Caruso. You write for YOU, you say? Just be honest, Billy. You did it for the cash. The guy who wrote the sardonic anti-yuppie song “My Life” is gone. (Indeed, you’ve BECOME that yuppie.) Just come clean. We’d totally respect you for that. And after all, this little exchange is all about respect in the end, isn’t it?
One other thing: Before the modulation mishap is revealed to the public, it is very evident that you cannot hit the notes on the “see” in “O say can you see.” The sound then magically recovers a bit in the next two lines. And then disaster on “o’er the ramparts” — distinct mechanical modulation, you being aided by artificial sweetening, except it seems to have been tuned at a different key, which is too bad for you. And like Eddie Van Halen, you try to compensate. But the distinct audio artifacts remain.
We all recognize that the national anthem, with a range of an octave and a half, is difficult to sing. But who do you think you’re fooling, Billy?
Okay Know-it-all. Here’s the problem with that broadcast. I was asked to pre-record the National anthem like many others have done. I refused to do so. All I needed was a working set of sound monitors so that I could hear myself. I rehearsed the song while watching a stopwatch because the performance had to be timed exactly with a jet fly-over at the end. The rehearsals went just fine. When the actual show was set to start, it began pouring rain on the open field, and the television technicians never turned on my monitors. I had to sing the entire National Anthem without being able to hear my piano or my vocals in a giant stadium in a downpour while watching a stopwatch to try and time the fly-over. I assume because I couldn’t hear my piano and had no idea what key I was singing in at first that my pitch was bad at the beginning of the song and some bright boy in the television control booth decided to use whatever auto-tune equipment THEY had to correct my pitch. I had absolutely no idea that they did this and never authorized it. I asked the television producer afterwards if they did this on their own and never got a satisfactory answer. You have no idea how television people fuck up what musicians do. You’ve got some god-damned nerve accusing me of using some kind of goddamned phony gimmick to do what I’ve been doing all my life, and then calling me a liar on top of it. And you don’t have a fucking clue why I do what I do, so don’t throw that “you did it for the cash” bullshit at me. THIS IS MY LIFE. This is what I do and who I am, and your ignorant, self-righteous ’sellout’ attack is typical of a dilettante, an amateur, and an abject failure. It was never about “the cash”. You will never know the joy I have known, and you will never accomplish anything in your life until you learn humility the way I have : The hard way. Not by posting your miserable opinionated blogs about what other people actually DO. So Fuck You for the last time. And for Christ’s sake – DO SOMETHING! Sincerely, Billy Joel
I know very well you don’t care what I say anymore and that this is your life. But I want to assure you that I am going ahead with my own life and that you’ll be left alone.
An explanation was all that was required, instead of your extraordinary defensiveness and ridiculous swagger. Nevertheless, I thank you for your clarification. But consider this, Billy, if the television people are fucking you over, has it ever occurred to you that transparency directed to alternative media would have quelled the considerable speculation from many with good ears inside and outside the industry?
I’m certainly not the first to suggest that you’ve sold out. And I’m hardly a dilettante. If you’re so joyful about it, why do you keep coming back? Why did you spend more than a decade not writing or recording any new material? I won’t take the cheap shot of delving into your personal life, Billy, because I’m not about that. But judging from the slivers we’ve seen through the wall, it seems that honesty remains a lonely word for you. Which is a shame. Because your best work has always been predicated upon being honest, as opposed to being Robert Palmer or somebody else who you’re not.
…Let’s see: the simultaneous births of 666 cigar-smoking fetuses in blackface (check)… a flame war between William Joel and Edward Champion (check)… I now await, in numbed silence, the seventh, final sign of the Apocalypse…
And, by the by, while we’re on the subject of alternative media’s role in getting the apparent truth out there, if you want to clear ALL of the extenuating matters up, answer to all the rumors, correct the so-called misinformation that you insist has been disseminated, and deliver some of your Fuck Yous to me in person (where I can then suggest better castigatory retorts for you to practice your alleged humility), I’d be happy to schedule an in-person interview for my radio program when you’re back in New York. (You see, I’m giving you a fair shot here.)
If you caught the guy with his pitch-corrected pants down, good for you–I guess. But please, enough nonsense about him selling out, or failing to respect the “transparency directed to alternative media.” Who did he sell out to? How was “A Matter of Trust,” with its streamlined melody and minor triad (not patented by the Carpenters, Ed), an affront to his audience? He’s certainly not singing the national anthem for the cash. Your pugilistic reflexes are betraying you here. It doesn’t help that Billy Joel is plenty pugilistic himself, but since you opened the conversation by calling him a hack, it’s not surprising. Oh, finally, good artists mimic other artists all the time. Call it homage, flattery, or a mixture of (as Bob Dylan might say) love and theft. However you slice it, I don’t believe that Billy Joel was ever intimidated by Robert Palmer. Come, sir.
Mr. Joel, a word to the wise — if you’re still reading. Tune out and say no. For the past five years Mr. Champion has plied a similar method to publishers and writers: insult the famous, then invite them on his “show” as a chance to correct his idiotic assumptions, a clever method ripped off from the Republican right and it’s worked well. Look, we’re both reading, waiting for the latest car crash. And oh, my Champion, “retard” has long since been the vocabulary equivalent of the n-word. Grow up.
“And oh, my Champion, “retard” has long since been the vocabulary equivalent of the n-word.”
Certainly, for *racists* it has.
I’m the guy that informed Ed that the song stuck in his head was Joel’s “A Matter Of Trust.” I probably shouldn’t add my two cents here, but I’m going to anyway.
Aside from any debate about technologically sweetened voices, to which I am unqualified to add, I want to say that I got my Rolling Stone 100 Greatest Singers Of All Time issue the other day. Notice, not “the best voice” but “the greatest” in terms of being able to “sell” a song. Aretha is #1, Joel’s hero, Ray Charles #2 etc. But no Billy. Huh?
Now on the list we’ve got Lou Reed, Patty Smith, Neil Young, Dylan, Lennon, McCartney, etc. No Billy. Personally, I think that it is ridiculous for a tunesmith/singer on the order of Mr. Joel to not be on that list. As only one example of many, I think of his song “Until The Night” from his album 52nd Street, where he manages to create a Righteous Brothers vibe — and he sings just as well as not one, but both Brothers, taking the highs as well as the lows! Was he channeling them when he wrote and recorded the song? Who cares, it’s a great song.
And by the way, The Righteous Brothers didn’t make the list either. WTF?
Jann Wenner should hang his head in shame.
Mr. Cutter is absolutely correct. I have conducted more than 250 interviews without being even remotely curious, interested, or passionate about any of the subjects. My m.o. for four years has been to terrorize, to hurt, and to maim. Marilynne Robinson came onto the show only after I threatened to barbeque her pet cat and feed it to the homeless. For Mike Leigh, I had a passionate affair with his son, getting him acquainted with a cock ring and a cat o’ nines, and dumped his son shortly after I interviewed his father, the famed filmmaker. John Updike came home one day to his home to discover that all of his expensive rugs had disappeared, and called the phone number listed on the ransom note. The interview was conducted; the rugs were returned.
I am a dangerous person who has been reported in three states. The newspapers publish my writing not because it is any good, but because my baroque manipulative methods are known throughout the country.
The only person who was wise enough to avoid these tactics was James Marcus, who I have fenced with on numerous occasions and who is responsible for the glass eye I now wear.
In four years, I have never once changed my mind about a person or a topic. I have never once had a kind word to say about anyone. And I shave my pubic hair daily to John Philip Sousa marches, which explains why I am so familiar with patriotic music.
Consider these dire conditions, Mr. Joel, before accepting my humble and entirely uninquisitive offer.
Okay. I give up, and would like to confess my role in this hostile exchange. I sang “We Didn’t Start the Fire” roughly 257 times aloud in front of Ed while we were growing up. I had no idea it would later come to this…
Mr. Joel, if you are still listening, I am very, very sorry. I was only a sixth grader! I didn’t know! Maybe Ed is going to strangle me, but that clip didn’t sound like voice correction, either. Your explanation makes sense. May you have a lovely tour!
PS: for the love of God, no one bring up the musical ANNIE, or next I’ll be forced to apologize and explain myself to Albert Finney. I am a terrible sister.
‘Innocent Man’ *was* the Apocalypse.
I kind of think that this is the coolest thing I have seen all day, and agree with Billy Joel.
He’s a very very very good singer. Of all the people in “the business”, he doesn’t need to “fix” his voice. I never really cared for his music, but come on, the man has some serious skills.
As for selling out, I think that Billy has kept a pretty low profile in this capacity. Where is his album that you can only buy in certain megastores? Where is “Tell Her About It” in the herpes awareness ads?
Get off his back.
Hey Billy, I love “My Life.”
does the writer of this bog also claim to be Jesus? there goes 2 minutes i’ll never get back
I am a big fan of Billy, and to my knowledge I do not remember him ever selling out anything but venues. What does he owe to any of us?
[...] his music than as the guy who went all Courtney Love AOL95 on Ed Champion’s comments here and here. More from Idolator on [...]
Billy Joel is a personal favourite. Not just his music but also the character of the man (or as much as one can infer from interviews and the like). That said, I think he over-reacted to the original post (which itself was borderline scurrilous).
But at the end of it all, we get to read WM Joel’s personal reaction (which may yet feature in an unauthorised biography) and we get to see that the writer here can be pretty funny when he steps out of the ring.
J.A.P.
i like your music these people are just jealious of you… they need to get a life.
You’ve got to be kidding me! First of all, is this even auto-tuned? I’m a producer, and I’m pretty sure its not. He hits a bad note up front (while the sound is adjusted), so I really don’t think it was tuned. He delivers a fine national anthem, loaded with his personal sound and attitude, and the crowd seems to enjoy it just fine.
Now, as for “Matter of Trust” – what is wrong with this tune? You could point at many rock greats and call much of their 80’s work crap, but “Matter of Trust” and the album that spawned it is decent. Sonically it may not have worn as well as his more piano based records (this one has lots of synth), but the writing is inspired, and in all its a fine album.
I don’t know much about Ed Champion, but I’d like to hear his songs, or know what kind of an authority he is on music before I give his criticisms any credence.
I’m kind of sick of Billy Joel bashing. Even DownBeat Magazine has done it recently. 100 million BJ fans can’t be wrong..
KEEP GOING BILLY! GIVE US SOME NEW MUSIC.. MAY THE SCREAMING FANS DROWN OUT THESE ASSHOLES!
D Yoel