News Reports

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Desperate Lede of the Week

St. Petersburg Time: “Richard Dinon saw the laptop’s muted glow through the rear window of the SUV parked outside his home. He walked closer and noticed a man inside.”

First off, if you can’t secure your own damn wireless network, you have no business bitching about people siphoning off your line. You ain’t a victim. You’re uninformed. Shut up and learn the basics, bitch.

Second, the menacing glow of a laptop makes for unintentionally hilarious “crime” reporting. Someone scare the bejesus out of St. Petersburg Times reporter Alex Leary so that he can write us a truly paranoid masterpiece.

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