Cruel Economy

“Hello there. Sorry to bother you, but I won the Nobel Prize for Physics last year. I’m wondering if you have any temp work.”

“Well, we’re always filling positions.”

“Great! I was just looking for something to get by for a few weeks. Is there anybody I could speak to? I’d be delighted to meet with you. I’m happy to take any typing or computer tests.”

“Do you have any experience?”

“I spent ten years studying the symmetry of extended tachyon-based objects. My findings are being taught in several upper-division classes. But, you know, forget all that. I’m happy to work in the filing room. I just need a few weeks of work.”

“Well, I’m sorry. As you know, it’s been much slower than usual.”

“But I thought you said you were filling positions.”

“We’re always filling positions.”

“I have letters of reference from Michio Kaku and Neil deGrasse Tyson, and I graduated within the top 1% of my class.”

“Yes, that’s nice. Just email us your resume, and we’ll contact you in three weeks if you qualify.”

“My rent is due in three weeks, and I have no savings.”

“It was a pleasure chatting with you! I’m sure you’ll do just fine. A talented guy like you? Just hang in there and stay the course. Prosperity is just around the corner! And never shake the audacity of hope!”

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