“Miss USA”

New York Times: “Ms. Conner and Mr. Trump refused to answer any questions from reporters about reports alleging drug use or drug testing. Mr. Trump said that he went into a meeting with Ms. Conner this morning expecting to terminate her reign as Miss USA. But he said the meeting showed him someone with ‘a good heart’ who had ‘left a small town in Kentucky,’ only to be caught up in a ‘whirlwind’ in New York.”

Here’s a key to understanding the euphemisms, all helpfully contained in quotes (thank you, Ms. Hauser!), within this article:

“a good heart”: Team player.
“behavior and personal issues”: The tendency to have fun in a manner considered unwholesome to folks knocked out by a single shot of bourbon.
“left a small town in Kentucky”: She’s wholesome and American! Really! And she’s from Kentucky!*
“pushing”: Smearing a person’s character on silly charges.
“terrible”: Wouldn’t put out for Donald Trump.
“very, very bad”: Unacceptable to humorless prigs who haven’t had a night of fun in decades.
“whirlwind”: vigorous partying involving alcohol, some pot and coke, as enjoyed by thousands of other New York clubbers requiring a weekend divorce from reality.

* — Just like that Jim Varney guy you loved so much in the Ernest movies.


  1. Actually, to Trump, “small town in Kentucky” actually means “somewhere outside Manhattan that I have absolutely no interest in ever visiting, nor even flying over.”

  2. Other Kentuckians of note include Muhammad Ali, Kit Carson, Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis, Louis D. Brandeis, Zachary Taylor, Robert Penn Warren, John Carpenter, Gus Van Sant, John James Audubon, Walter Tevis, Chris Offutt, Lionel Hampton, Loretta Lynn, Bill Monroe, Merle Travis, Ashley Judd, Jeri Ryan, George Clooney, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp, Wendell Berry, Hunter S. Thompson, Elizabeth Hardwick, and J. D. Daniels.

    Kentucky has its own whirlwinds. They are called tornadoes.

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