Publishers are prepared. Hot on the heels of the Nancy Drew update, several new offerings are in the works.
Encylopedia Brown and the Case of the Fixed Election: Encyclopedia Brown and Sally Kimball are asked by a cowering Democrat to investigate tampered votes. The Democrat, afraid of taking a stand, bolts to Europe. Bugs Meany, paid off by Kathleen Harris, kidnaps Sally and throws her into a den of whores. Encyclopedia Brown attempts to use logic to get Sally out. But despite Brown’s carefully crafted solution, Bugs (along with Jeb’s other hired thugs) beat him to a bloody pulp. Brown gets a job at Arby’s, moving into a warren with other failed child detectives. The answers at the back of the book have been replaced by an unemployment insurance application.
Anne of Green Parties: Anne and Gilbert move from Avonlea to Berkeley, where the two become involved in the 2000 Ralph Nader campaign and open up a Canadian Vegan restaurant (complete with organic coffee). A greedy property developer hoping to franchise the idea across the nation attempts to buy Anne and Glbert out. While getting into a brawl with Gore supporters, Gilbert decides on a whim that he’s a carnivore and that he can’t in all good conscience vote for Ralph, let alone operate a restaurant. Fracas over dietary habits ensues, along with a climactic courtroom battle.
The Littles Go to Hollywood: The Littles, tired of dealing with domestic squabbles with the Biggs, decide to move to Hollywood and sow their wild oats. In search of Michael J. Anderson, a man who they have seen on HBO, the Littles must contend with cracked vials and used syringes deposited in their home, along with a cruel plastic surgeon who hopes to remove all the Littles’ tails and use them for scientific research.
Dorothy and the Transient in Oz: A shaggy unshowered man shows up in the East. Aunt Em and Dorothy build a halfway house next to the Emerald City to service this man and others like him who may arrive. But Dorothy doesn’t count on Aunt Em leaving Uncle Henry for a clandestine affair involving the transient and a winged monkey.
Damn, I could have sworn it said Anne of Green Panties.
Guess we all know where my mind’s at.
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