If you think writers are insecure and in constant need of reassurance, try publishers! Nan Talese, who was presumably seeing a deity of no particular denomination after that little dental surgery mishap, has gushed to the Wall Street Journal about how much she’s loved LOVED loved by her minions. Never mind that the pressure of holding onto your position and the concomitant ass-kissing is par for the course in the American office. When the world revolves entirely around you, there’s simply no stopping the steady march of progress!
Now I’ll be the first to note that a standing ovation should never be taken lightly! Why, that’s the kind of magical moment straight out of Working Girl or some touching 1980s office film of your choice!
Fortunately, being a rather resourceful literary blogger with many covert agents and sources in the publishing industry, I’ve obtained six more reasons why Nan Talese will be painting the town red for many months to come:
6. While having a $200 club sandwich for lunch, a waiter generously hunched over and offered his back as a footstool, causing Ms. Talese to enjoy her meal in typical Manhattan splendor. Ms. Talese obliged and offered to pay for the waiter’s chiropractic bill, drawing the appropriate funds from a hushed up expense account.
5. A woman, recognizing Ms. Talese in the street from her Oprah appearance, invited Ms. Talese to her cell phone users twelve-step program, expressing tears of joy.
4. That kind and constantly cheerful African-American gentleman who holds the door open for Ms. Talese every day gave Ms. Talese a surprise tap dance. Just after his final foot shuffle, he said, “Nanny, that’s for you,” causing Ms. Talese to cry for many minutes and walk to the elevator without offering him so much as a George Washington.
3. On the Friday morning that Ms. Talese returned to her office, 3,000 bouquets were personally delivered to Ms. Talese between 9:00 AM and 9:45 AM.
2. During the same time, Ms. Talese also received four marriage proposals.
1. Fifteen of Ms. Talese’s personal assistants, smitten with joy at the prospect of spending the rest of their days working for Ms. Talese, offered to continue working at half their regular salaries. They also offered to sacrifice their children to the volcano gods, should Ms. Talese request it. Ms. Talese offered each of them a personal kiss of benediction.
Now, none of this can be verified by Jeffrey Trachtenberg, the Wall Street Journal fact checkers, or even the staff of the Nan A. Talese imprint. But unsubstantiated rumors have never stopped Talese from printing memoirs in the past. And it won’t stop Return of the Reluctant from idle speculation.
Magic Hours by Tom Bissell: This marvelous collection of essays chronicles everything from film shoots to novelists rescued from oblivion. (The essay on the Underground Literary Alliance, with its portrait of raucous factions, unexpectedly reveals how soft today's literary world has become.) But if you peer between the cracks of these smart pieces, you may very well see how cultural lives are formed from the most unexpected life choices. And as we follow Bissell's development as a writer over the years, that goes for Bissell as well. (
Angelmaker by Nick Harkaway: Harkaway's latest novel greatly improves on his previous book, The Gone-Away World, which I'm already on record as praising. Angelmaker adopts genre elements without ever feeling like a genre book, and it leads me to believe that Harkaway is well on his way to a narrative grace close to China Miéville's. Yet inexplicably this very fun book, which includes an eightysomething badass named Edie Banister, a mysterious mechanical object that may destroy the world, farcical scenarios involving lawyers and the police, and some unexpectedly moving moments about fatherhood, doesn't appear to be getting much attention in American newspapers. Nothing from the snobs at The New York Times Book Review, nothing from The Washington Post. And since I can't get Harkaway on Bat Segundo, I hope this Jump Up and Down mention gets you hopping as well.
The Age of Insight by Eric Kandel: Unless you're really pressed for time, forget Jonah Lehrer. If you want to understand creativity and its relationship to neuroscience, then the bowtie-wearing Nobel laureate is your man. In addition to being a physically beautiful book (you will drool over many of the paintings), there are helpful overviews on optical illusions, science, biographical backgrounds, and many vital figures from the Vienna Secession. Kandel's enthusiasm (and his call for greater unity between the humanities and science) is contagious.
“Editors and publishers say the profit-margins in publishing don’t allow for hiring fact-checkers. Instead, they rely on authors to be honest, and on their legal staffs to avoid libels suits.”
So they can’t afford fact-checkers. But apparently the profit margins in publishing apparently DO allow for hiring corporate attorneys who specialize in libel work. Wow–does this mean that fact-checkers get paid even more than corporate attorneys? Who knew? Where do I apply for the job?
She’s an assclown.
Nan is an old personal friend of mine and has obviously learned what the rest of us street urchins have always found out: junkies lie.