Terms from Random House

TO: Buyers of James Frey’s A Million Little Pieces
FROM: Random House

We here at Random House are pleased to announce that we have reached an agreement with readers who were misled by James Frey’s “memoir.” If you purchased a copy of this book, you are entitled to the following refunds:

  • If you return the dust jacket of the A Million Little Pieces hardcover and draw a moustache through Mr. Frey’s author photo, you are entitled to a refund of $4.24.
  • If you return page 23, fold it in half, and highlight all traces of the word “the” with a 3M Yellow Highlighter, you are entitled to a refund of $12.92.
  • If your first name is “James” and you incurred psychological damages because you observed another “James” lying through his teeth, we want to assure you that Mr. Frey was not one of the “good Jameses” and that his actions do not reflect Jameses at large. If you fall into this category, return page 118 unmolested, along with a certified copy of your birth certificate. This is good for a refund of $21.82.
  • If you are a friend of Mr. Frey or a member of Frey’s extended family, you are entitled to a refund of $0.14, with the envelope being sent to you with postage due.
  • If you send us a videotape, a VCD, or a DVD, in which you can demonstrate that you led or coerced a group of people to throw at least 200 copies into a public bonfire, we would like to offer you a promising career here at Random House. Please get in touch with our Human Resources department.

Please note that all refunds are subject to a number of city, state, and federal taxes. The above costs reflect the amount that Random House will issue you. We cannot guarantee that some irksome governmental agency won’t take a big bite out of our checks. We feel your pain. Oh, boy, do we.

We promise you that we here at Random House are very, very sorry for having misled you. And if you see Mr. Frey in your neighborhood, please tell him to report to the Random House building. We have a windowless room in the basement that we’d like to invite him to spend the rest of his days.

Thank you for your attention.

Random House

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6 Comments

  1. I bought a copy from a thrift store for a buck or two recently out of curiousity. I thought that maybe it was at least a good fiction novel? I haven’t read it yet, but my boyfriend gave it a go. He got to a part where there were 7 pages where Frey describes his own vomit. Seriously! He read some of it to me out loud. I think he was too traumatized/amused to bother reading further, it still sits in my bedroom sprawled open to that page (no bookmark).

  2. your FUCKING PATHETIC. his books are so good & easy to get stuck into, they are the only books i have EVER been able to read & actually feel like i was there.. FUCK YOU ALL i’d like to see you write a book! ps. its pretty sad that you have to make a whole web page devoted to “refunds” on how poorly you liked his book… GROW UP and get a life… some people have TOO much time on their hands.. i think you need a job :]

  3. he’s books are incredible. i think they help soo many people. so many people i know read his books and find hope for tomorrow because people are just like what he describes in his book. wether the accounts true or false they touched the lifes of people and i think thats what he was trying to do. im sure it was graffic but drug addictions are that way. they arent pretty and i think he is brave him putting it on paper and giving it a shot in the dark.

    people say he lied about the time spand he spent in rehab and jail.. but people if you spend day in and day out doing the same thing im sure you would feel like you were there for a hell of a lot longer and not to mention you are abandoned from society!

    as for the people who accept the refund thats rediculous. do not take away from the man.

  4. i think that is ignorant. he wrote a good book and people read it. if people have problems with it, they shouldn’t post stuff like this.

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