Vollmann at Denny’s: “I hate to order food like this. I especially hate to disparage the work of someone who, like that short-order cook behind the counter, has put his life on the line for the ostensible purpose of serving patty melts, such as they are. In the hope of finding something more constructive to say, I decided to preface my Scram Slam with a meticulously cooked mushroom and Jarlsberg omelet.”
Vollmann at the bank: “I hate to stand in line like this. I especially hate to disparage the work of someone who, like that sexy but miserable-looking woman behind the counter, has had to cash endless checks for money that she will never get a cut of, save for the meager paychecks she collects, such as it is. In the hope of finding better use of my time, I decided to cash my check at the ATM machine.”
Vollmann on April 15: “I hate to file my taxes like this. I especially hate to cut into my writing time. I started a 900 page novel a month ago and am now almost finished with it. In the hope of finding more time to write about prostitutes in an obscure nation that you have likely never heard of, I have decided to commission the services of H&R Block this year.”
© 2007, Edward Champion. All rights reserved.