Information Collected Automatically: When you use Edward Champion — and by “use,” we mean this to encompass any social encounter, communication, or shared experience — it could be the subject of a future essay or a story told in audio drama format, sometimes many years after the events have transpired. Edward Champion is a writer, after all, and, as such, a desperate scavenger. We may write about the experience explicitly in an email or in our journals or through some embarrassing Facebook post within 24 hours of the transpired event. We may talk it out with our friends so that we may better understand what happened. Edward Champion often takes steps to always have “the first draft of history” at our disposal. If if the experience leaves a lasting impression, then there’s a pretty good chance that our subconscious will be unable to refrain from feeling or thinking about it. This is because Edward Champion is equipped with something that our development team refers to as the Human Heart. While we may possibly collect certain details involving times, names, and places, we wish to assure you that our processing methods are largely spontaneous and you will probably never know if you were the inspiration or the source of something unless the data matches pretty closely with the final product, in which case we will feel morally obliged to inform you.
Information Collected by Accident: Edward Champion has been known to become so curious about an esoteric topic that he will fritter away afternoons trying to confirm the details of some half-remembered TV show or a beautiful novel he no longer has in his possession or an obscure French film he watched in his twenties. Or he may be curious about the fate of a once beloved figure who nobody talks about anymore. He may, in the course of his considerable hunger for information, go to libraries and you may find him at a microfilm machine somewhere within the greater New York area. It is also possible that Edward Champion’s collection of this information will be all for naught, merely an exercise to get back to the thread of what he was attempting to write about in the first place. During the course of this information collection, his head will likely be filled up with facts and he may be misidentified as an expert, simply because he tends to be a sponge, often remembering details that others forget.
Cookies: Edward Champion sometimes eats cookies when he is nervous and may do so during the act of writing. This will likely not affect you in any way, but if the European Union requires us to upload pictures of us eating cookies, we will do so to Instagram, which the European Union has declared as the arbitration venue for all cookie-eating disputes. We will not collect any cookies from you or ask you to make them for us, unless you are invited to Edward Champion’s domicile of creation and all parties have agreed to a bakeoff formally communicated through a hastily composed text message. We may, however, bake cookies for you and distribute these quite whimsically and randomly.
Data Retention: Edward Champion is not as much of a packrat as he used to be. But he does live with a lot of books and will likely buy your latest volume if he really likes you or thinks that your work is the cat’s pajamas.
Updating Your Account: At any time, you can choose not to read or partake in Edward Champion’s creations. We realize that Edward Champion can be a rather intense person, even though any perceived intensity is largely by accident and he is fairly easygoing in person. If you have difficulties with Edward Champion or you feel that your user experience has been misunderstood, he will likely meet up with you in a bar and buy you a beer and talk about your user experience in the interest of ensuring that all parties understand each other and that they laugh about the great follies of life on a more frequent basis.
Third Parties: Edward Champion will probably speak glowingly of you to third parties. He may play matchmaker. He could get you involved with other creative parties to increase the likelihood of very cool things happening. If you know him, he will probably read a draft of your novel or script in progress. Since Edward Champion is an exuberant type, he may urge other parties to give you a shot. Please understand that the use of Edward Champion may just surprise you, especially if he becomes very loyal to you. Please try to respect this.
If I had the money to move to law vegas I would do it because there’s a lot to do but in ohio you have to wait til the end of May for pools to open&close after labor day. So buck the fuck eyes&go blue.