#6 — champagne

Folks, explain to me the following mystery. And it comes to me because champagne right now is the order of the evening. (Good Christ, is the bottle almost finished?) Sure, Arthur‘s a fine movie. One of the great comedies featuring an alcoholic with a good performance by Dudley Moore. But who was the “genius” who thought that Christopher Cross’ falsetto ballad “Best That You Can Do” was somehow apposite for the film? It can be thoroughly argued that Christopher Cross contributed absolutely nothing to popular music during his career. Even if there were a few misguided souls who thought that Cross’ falsettos projected a certain sensitive male aura, one could argue that Cross’s variety of sensitivity was not only utterly inappropriate, but quite detractive from the plight of the film’s ironic character.

Even Cross’ lyrics leave little to be desired for anyone who cares for the written word:

If you get caught between the moon and New York City
I know it’s crazy but it’s true
If you get caught between the moon and New York City
The best that you can do,
The best that you can do is fall in love

Come on, Cross! These are shallow metaphors. Even if we were to accept the strange locale of “between the moon and New York City,” there are other interesting things that one can do, such as develop an ability to fly or breathe in the vacuum of space. This in itself might be “the best that you can do,” given that it would have very positive results for humankind.

In fact, Cross’s music continues to be accepted to this very day. Even the hipsters at All Music Guide have given his debut album four and a half out of five stars.

If “Walking in Avalon” doesn’t horrify you the way that it horrifies me, I seriously want to know why. Sure, I can understand the appeal of Bread and Supertramp. But Cross was without a doubt the Phil Collins of his time, specializing in shallow lyrics and vapid song structures. By what stretch of the imagination should he be seriously considered?

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