Here’s a helpful list for New York freelancers who need to write a needlessly alarmist newspaper piece about what may be killing the novel. So if you’ve run out of ideas and don’t quite know an angle, here are some casuistic ideas for your future pitches! Remember, if you collect a check from any of these ideas, I’m only asking 5%. Be sure to send a check to me within 45 days after the piece runs. Good luck and Allah’s speed!
- Global warming
- David Hasselhoff
- Sudoku puzzles
- People who are really into Settlers of Catan
- Tao Lin
- The bottled water industry
- Right-wing French joggers
- Waffles and pancakes
- Men who leave the toilet seat up
- Women who leave the toilet seat up
- Pet dogs who have been trained by their masters to keep the toilet seat up with their paws
- Marxists
- Eucharists
- Tom Cruise (or any famous Scientologist, really)
- Eco-friendly organic pizzeria owners
- Pot smokers
- Golfers
- Matt and Daniel Mendelsohn
- Lev and Austin Grossman
- Edward Champion
- Killroy
Being Wrong by Kathryn Schulz: Being wrong, as it turns out, isn't just the other variable in a binary opposition. Indeed, the relationship between our beliefs and the vast body of knowledge is one of humanity's big problems, but, at times, one of its great virtues. This thoughtful volume outlines numerous examples of human folly, from end-of-the-world prophets to ocular misperception, and makes a strong case for becoming more transparent about human fallibility, even when the results can be quite deadly. (
The Invisible Bridge by Julie Orrigner: This sweeping epic, which has been rightly identified in some corners as a "Holocaust page turner," puts to rest any and all rumors that the historical novel is dead. Orringer's great talent for balancing fine Romantic details, a vigorous synthesis of prewar Paris and Magyar strife, and Nazi brutality demonstrates a remarkable evolution from her previous short story collection, How to Breathe Underwater, and makes this a must read. (
If I Loved You, I Would Tell You This by Robin Black: Forget Wells Tower. Robin Black's marvelous short story collection, which has been needlessly ignored by The New York Times and The Washington Post, is very much on the level: far better than anything written by that lumbering Young Turk. These subtle stories have the maturity to avoid belabored metaphors and neat conclusions, revealing numerous nuances about the human condition in its careful use of understated language. (
Surely it’s novels that are killing the novel.
Readers are killing the novel, one word at a time.
“Lev and Austin Grossman
Edward Champion”
Why do you guys hate America so much?
And does this reason help pick up chicks?
I’m still a bit boggled by the furor in France over Sarzoky’s sweaty jogging. I have underestimated his skills if he really is using it to spread his right-wing propaganda. I vote for him as the murderer. (V.S. Naipaul should be up there too.)
You forgot:
video
radio
iPods
the iPhone
Harry Potter
The internet
The blurring of fact and opinion by bloggers in Terre Haute
Hillary Clinton
Gordon Brown
Gordon Ramsay
Gordon Sumner
I heard that you and your band threw out your novels and bought quills–you’re gonna make a Shakespeare play.
you can use the asian angle on me also
asian + destroying the novel
Definitely not the pot smokers… They’re too busy thinking about writing novels to kill any…that, an eating a lot of Oreos…
Boing Boing.
They’re not killing it fast enough.
Novelists are killing the novel now, but only because publishing is killing the novelist. And believe me, they started it. This is no chicken-egg thing. http://www.literaryrejectionsondisplay.blogspot.com