Last week, I learned that somebody really hated my guts. This person never actually told me why. So I sent this person an email with my phone number, inviting the person to give me a call and make amends through civil discourse. I received a most extraordinary response from this individual — one that has quite pleasantly inspired me to start a new audio series. The following clip represents my dramatic reading of this individual’s hate mail to me, read in a melodramatic, quasi-Shakespearean style.
I hope to start reading more of people’s hate mail. And if you like, I will be happy to read any specific hate mail that you’ve received. (If you do send me hate mail for potential dramatic readings, I only ask that you redact the names of the individuals.) And if there is enough demand, I may even start reading some of the really stupid emails I’ve sent over the years to various people.
Click any of the below links to listen.
Hate Mail Dramatic Reading Project #1 (Download MP3)
The Call by Yannick Murphy: The always interesting author of Here They Come and Signed, Mata Hari returns with a novel that whips up a worldview from a rather quirky set of limitations: namely, the call logs that a veterinarian maintains as his son is unexpectedly put into a coma and an unforgiving economy denies him work. What emerges is a surprisingly optimistic, often funny, and very moving account on how one family uses acceptance and forgiveness as a way to atone for hard knocks. (
Birds of Paradise by Diana Abu-Jaber: Forget Franzen and Eugenides. If you're looking for a social novel that counts, Diana Abu-Jaber is the author you're looking for. Building from the free-form exploration of consciousness and identity in Crescent and the gripping procedural structure of Origin, Abu-Jaber's latest novel is her finest, equally fluent with gutterpunk culture and smarmy real estate men. It has been suggested by The Washington Post's Ron Charles that you will likely gain some pounds while reading this novel. This is certainly true. Abu-Jaber's description of food is so precise that it often made me want to do more cooking. But I very much admired the way in which Abu-Jaber presents all her characters as unwitting victims of rough capitalism, which permits them some dignity even as they perform terrible acts.
The Last of the Live Nude Girls by Sheila McClear: This memoir isn't so much about the decline of the Times Square peepshow, as it is about one young woman's efforts to pull herself up by by her bootstraps when presented with few economic options. Filled with self-introspective candor and a quiet dignity, McClear's story is one that might befall any of us in these volatile times. While McClear does get back on her feet, her book leads one contemplating the terrible fates of other young women now moving to New York and falling into deadlier vocations. (
The “sent from my iPhone” punchline is glorious.
This series must continue. Fantastic.
I would’ve had more respect for him if it was sent from his blackberry.
I feel like writing you hate mail just so you’ll read it like this – fantastic!
The delivery is glorious, but it’s the punchline that really sells it. Bravo! Bravo!
Agree “Sent from my iPhone” makes the whole thing.
Honestly, Ed, I didn’t really *feel* the line “Sent from my iPhone.” I don’t believe you captured the intent of its writer. There is subtext in that line, and you should dig deeper in your next reading. Just some constructive criticism.
Loved your ‘reading’ of hate mail received! Your
over -the -top rendition effectively revealed the
inane quality of the message sent you by that individual. I look forward to future readings. If I get any hate mail, I will certainly send it to you for vocal dramatization. I think that what you’re doing acts as an exorcism. Begone bad spirits!
Love,
Aunt Laura
haha
I’ll admit, I kind of have a crush on your voice from your Bat Segundo interviews… I’m a little scared now, though. I need to go back and listen to the soothing one with the director of Paperback Dreams now, phew…
Entertaining piece, though! I’m looking for to be frightened more in the future!
This made me laugh out loud. Thanks.
This one is a clear feast for a growing baby meme. I’m treating it as such, and spreading it. Also looking toward the day when I boringly analyze one of my own hates, with my most brutal, native, Finnish accent. So thank you: this is just too cool for school.