Ocean Marketing: The Dramatic Reading

It began, as most forms of Internet frontier justice do, with a post that spurred outrage. Ocean Marketing, a firm that had promised to deliver an Avenger game controller before the Christmas holidays, failed to live up to its pledge. People did not get their controllers. There was an email exchange whereby aggrieved parties attempted to seek restitution with Ocean Marketing. But Ocean Marketing, failing to comprehend one time-honored maxim (‘The Customer is Always Right”), decided to get huffy about rectifying its mistakes, with the company’s representative becoming mind-numbingly arrogant when it came to the power of memes and the potential for serious screwups to create viral PR nightmares. The result was a public outcry and subsequent investigation that revealed even more astonishing sins, including plagiarism and phony charities.

In other words, the whole Ocean Marketing mess quickly became a veritable rabbit hole: a fascinating and time-consuming parable on how a representative’s poor conduct revealed a company’s true disgrace buried not especially deep beneath the dirt.

Others have done a commendable job of following this ongoing story. So in an effort to provide the appropriate journalistic context, I have performed several dramatic readings of the more snottier Ocean Marketing emails. I hope that my performances have appropriately represented the smarmy and self-serving behavior which galvanized this mighty electric storm. (Please note that I have replaced all instances of “LOL” with suitably melodramatic laughter.)

Ocean Marketing: Dramatic Reading #1 (Download MP3)

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Ocean Marketing: Dramatic Reading #2 (Download MP3)

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Ocean Marketing: Dramatic Reading #3 (Download MP3)

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  1. Thanks for the laugh. This is hysterical!! Nice job all around.

    I’m not a PS3 gamer, but I’ve done customer service and this is the biggest smelliest steaming pile of fail that I’ve ever seen. Now he’s the talk of the gaming part of the net and he’s suddenly realized that customers do have some clout when they are confronted by customer service that is so over the top that it belongs on Saturday Nite Live. I’m sorry to hear that this douche has a wife and baby, God help them having to live with his massive ego 24/7. It will be a while before people forget this fiasco. I hope he has other career plans because he’s just not a “people person.”

  2. My God, you sound like Jonas Venture Jr. from the Venture Brothers. That is the only suitably epic voice to read this in. You sir, have roughly doubled the win of this.

  3. Great readings! Kinda reminds me of Paul Christoforo’s quote in his interview with MSNBC stating that he was trying to “impress, not to threaten” and didn’t come through correctly because “you can’t see tone of voice in email.”

    Then he has the gall to say his response was driven in part by what he saw as the “disrespectful tone” of the messages from Mike.

    This guy just keeps digging his hole deeper. He needs to take a lesson from Palin and shut his trap.

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