[EDITOR’S NOTE: At the California State University, Chico, several philosophy majors, preparing for their spring break excursion, devised the following syllogisms to justify their boorish behavior.]
What’s good for the soul is healthy.
Getting wildly drunk is good for the soul.
Therefore, getting wildly drunk is healthy.
An unfortunate occurrence is something you can get over.
Urinating in one’s pants is an unfortunate occurrence.
Therefore, urinating in one’s pants is something you can get over.
Wearing a thong bikini is a pain in the ass.
A pain in the ass is a bit sexy.
Therefore, wearing a thong bikini is a bit sexy.
Wanton unprotected sex is quite pleasurable.
Anything quite pleasurable is probably a good idea.
Therefore, wanton unprotected sex is probably a good idea.
Flashing random strangers is a form of self-expression.
Any form of self-expression is noble.
Therefore, flashing random strangers is noble.
No is a gray area between yes and no.
A gray area between yes and no means yes.
Therefore, no means yes.