MUFFLED VOICE: Is this thing on?
AZZAM: Yessss…it iz on. I can see ze blinking red light. Do you have zee After Effects software for ze menacing logo?
MUFFLED VOICE: Yes.
AZZAM: Very good. Hahahahahaha. I am Azzam the American. Heed my worrrrrrrrrrds.
MUFFLED VOICE: Azzam, keep your hood on.
AZZAM: Yesss…you are riiiiiiiiiight. We mest scare ze bejeeeesus out of the crooked American peoples. Rumorz on zee Internets. Zey won’t be able to authenticate zis.
MUFFLED VOICE: For God’s sake, Azzam, don’t use plural like that. You’ll give away our cover.
AZZAM: Shut up, Umar. I am zee great Azzam and this esss my show. I speak en zee tones of an ominous Middle Eastern stereotype zat cannut be corroborated. America is evil and shall pay. It is a tyrannous nation with blood dripping out of my nose. I, ze great Azzam the American, shall frighten all evil Americans. Including ze smallest of children. America is a tyranny.
MUFFLED VOICE: Pronounce it tie-ryanny.
AZZAM: Yessssss, America is a tie-ryanny! (inaudible, followed by loud maniacal laughter) It ess a country where ze oil flows like wine. Rumsfield, Bush. All evil. (Here, the word “evil” has been accentuated with post-production reverb) I am Azzam the American. My voice shall bring great terrrrrror and much blood in the streets. Bill Maher will be my personal pony. You have been warned.
MUFFLED VOICE: Hey Azzam!
AZZAM: What essss it?
MUFFLED VOICE: Your fly’s undone.
© 2004, DrMabuse. All rights reserved.