When Johnny Mnemonic and the Matrix Stood Still

Variety: “Twentieth Century Fox has set Keanu Reeves to star in ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still,’ its re-imagining of the 1951 Robert Wise-directed sci-fi classic. Reeves committed over the weekend to play Klaatu, a humanoid alien who arrives on Earth accompanied by an indestructible, heavily armed robot and a warning to world leaders that their continued aggression will lead to annihilation by species watching from afar.”

To consider why this is such a blasphemy against the great 1951 film, watch the film in its entirety here. Reeves is clearly no Michael Rennie.

In the meantime, Return of the Reluctant has intercepted an excerpt from the revised script.

HILDA: How dare you write on that blackboard! Do you realize the Professor has been working on that problem for weeks?

KLAATU: Dude, chill. I am Klaatu. Suddenly, I’m responsible for the entire fucking world, if…if my head doesn’t blow up first.

HILDA: I am not a dude! How did you get in here? And what do you want?

KLAATU: We came to see Professor Barnhardt. There is no spoon.

HILDA: He’s not here. I think you better leave now.

KLAATU: Whoa! Here’s like something the prof could use.

HILDA: A guitar pick?

KLAATU: Mick Jagger gave it to me. I want him to have it.

HILDA: What does a guitar pick have to do with the professor’s formula?

KLAATU: Had a summer job breaking and entering. I think the professor will want to get in touch with me.

HILDA: What business does an intellect like Professor Barnhardt have with a surfer mentality like yours?

KLAATU: There’s a piece of silicon in the back of my brain. I want a full restoration! I want it all back! Whoa!


  1. So is Alex Winter going to play the robot?

    Scene on the White House lawn at the end:

    WINTER: I’m, like, Gort the Robot

    REEVES: And I’m Klaatu, Esq.

    TOGETHER: And we’re like totally from another planet, dudes!

    SECRET SERVICE AGENT IN CROWD: [Grinds teeth and snarls through sunglasses. At night.] Neo!

  2. The parody is spotless… and I like the Bill & Ted movies.

    What remake next?
    – 2001, starring Tom Cruise:

    DAVE BOWMAN (played by Tom Cruise): Open the pod bay door, Hal!

    HAL 9000 (played by Samuel L. Jackson): I’m ****in afraid I can’t ****ing do that, mother****er.


  3. I refuse to stand still about Keanu Reeves thinking he can fill Michael Rennie’s shoes!
    Why do people think they can mess with a classic?!? It’s unforgivable!!!

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