Variety: “Twentieth Century Fox has set Keanu Reeves to star in ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still,’ its re-imagining of the 1951 Robert Wise-directed sci-fi classic. Reeves committed over the weekend to play Klaatu, a humanoid alien who arrives on Earth accompanied by an indestructible, heavily armed robot and a warning to world leaders that their continued aggression will lead to annihilation by species watching from afar.”
To consider why this is such a blasphemy against the great 1951 film, watch the film in its entirety here. Reeves is clearly no Michael Rennie.
In the meantime, Return of the Reluctant has intercepted an excerpt from the revised script.
HILDA: How dare you write on that blackboard! Do you realize the Professor has been working on that problem for weeks?
KLAATU: Dude, chill. I am Klaatu. Suddenly, I’m responsible for the entire fucking world, if…if my head doesn’t blow up first.
HILDA: I am not a dude! How did you get in here? And what do you want?
KLAATU: We came to see Professor Barnhardt. There is no spoon.
HILDA: He’s not here. I think you better leave now.
KLAATU: Whoa! Here’s like something the prof could use.
HILDA: A guitar pick?
KLAATU: Mick Jagger gave it to me. I want him to have it.
HILDA: What does a guitar pick have to do with the professor’s formula?
KLAATU: Had a summer job breaking and entering. I think the professor will want to get in touch with me.
HILDA: What business does an intellect like Professor Barnhardt have with a surfer mentality like yours?
KLAATU: There’s a piece of silicon in the back of my brain. I want a full restoration! I want it all back! Whoa!
The Call by Yannick Murphy: The always interesting author of Here They Come and Signed, Mata Hari returns with a novel that whips up a worldview from a rather quirky set of limitations: namely, the call logs that a veterinarian maintains as his son is unexpectedly put into a coma and an unforgiving economy denies him work. What emerges is a surprisingly optimistic, often funny, and very moving account on how one family uses acceptance and forgiveness as a way to atone for hard knocks. (
Birds of Paradise by Diana Abu-Jaber: Forget Franzen and Eugenides. If you're looking for a social novel that counts, Diana Abu-Jaber is the author you're looking for. Building from the free-form exploration of consciousness and identity in Crescent and the gripping procedural structure of Origin, Abu-Jaber's latest novel is her finest, equally fluent with gutterpunk culture and smarmy real estate men. It has been suggested by The Washington Post's Ron Charles that you will likely gain some pounds while reading this novel. This is certainly true. Abu-Jaber's description of food is so precise that it often made me want to do more cooking. But I very much admired the way in which Abu-Jaber presents all her characters as unwitting victims of rough capitalism, which permits them some dignity even as they perform terrible acts.
The Last of the Live Nude Girls by Sheila McClear: This memoir isn't so much about the decline of the Times Square peepshow, as it is about one young woman's efforts to pull herself up by by her bootstraps when presented with few economic options. Filled with self-introspective candor and a quiet dignity, McClear's story is one that might befall any of us in these volatile times. While McClear does get back on her feet, her book leads one contemplating the terrible fates of other young women now moving to New York and falling into deadlier vocations. (
So is Alex Winter going to play the robot?
Scene on the White House lawn at the end:
WINTER: I’m, like, Gort the Robot
REEVES: And I’m Klaatu, Esq.
TOGETHER: And we’re like totally from another planet, dudes!
SECRET SERVICE AGENT IN CROWD: [Grinds teeth and snarls through sunglasses. At night.] Neo!
I knew at least one ‘whoa’ would make it in. But two?! Overkill, sir.
The parody is spotless… and I like the Bill & Ted movies.
What remake next?
- 2001, starring Tom Cruise:
DAVE BOWMAN (played by Tom Cruise): Open the pod bay door, Hal!
HAL 9000 (played by Samuel L. Jackson): I’m ****in afraid I can’t ****ing do that, mother****er.
:-S
I refuse to stand still about Keanu Reeves thinking he can fill Michael Rennie’s shoes!
Why do people think they can mess with a classic?!? It’s unforgivable!!!
I think it’s fair to say this is the worst idea anyone has ever had since the dawn of man.