Sasha Frere-Jones: “The Arctic Monkeys are an independent rock band, a genre in which sunny dispositions are hardly the norm.”
Um, the Apples in Stereo? The Liars? A substantial chunk of the Elephant Six Collective? Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Yeah? Seems to me like there’s a lot of sunny indie rock these days. At least from where I’m sitting.
I checked my fax machine this morning and was stunned to learn that someone had sent me a list of power-ups and items (labeled “First Draft: R&D”) for the upcoming Left Behind: Eternal Forces video game. I share this disturbing information, so that readers might be better able to decide if Eternal Forces will unseat Counterstrike: Source as their game of choice.
Atheist Skull: Collect an atheist skull after you have annihilated a heathen! One atheist skull will increase your Intolerance Level by 50%. Also serves as adrenaline boost. Be sure to keep any skulls you can’t collect within your range of vision, as they will help you to fixate your hatred when decimating the Unbelievers.
Books: Avoid these pesky objects, as contact with a Book will take away one Hit Point! Remember, a book can sometimes be just as deadly as an Unbeliever! It is important for you to steer clear of any and all intellectual forces while proceeding with your mission. (See “Maintaining Your Ignorance” section of manual.)
Democratic Human Remains: Frequently, you will run into the remains of Democrats, who attempted to campaign long and hard to “take back the nation” during the 2006 midterm elections. Of course, the Democrats, lacking our great courage and all of them being Unbelievers, failed and they were massacred by the tens of thousands in the Time Before. If you are running low on Hit Points, stand on a DHR, hit Jump, and this action, depending upon your Callousness Levels, will help you to heal between melee attacks.
Photograph of Aborted Fetus: If your Intolerance Level is running low while in Combat Mode, use the Photograph of Aborted Fetus to frighten away or appall your enemies. Photographs can be obtained in religious zones or while playing the optional side quest during the “All Fags Must Die” section of the game.
Unsubtle Placard: Abandoned placards (which must be misspelled and cite imaginary passages from the Bible) can be used both as weapons against Muslims and to increase your Intolerance Level. Do not confuse this pivotal power-up item with a placard that is spelled correctly! Placards that are spelled correctly will mar your stamina. It is essentially that you keep your Intolerance Level at 70% in order to defeat all those who differ from the True Religion!
Over at Critical Mass, there’s a roundup of some of the one-vote nominees that weren’t listed in any of the Gray Lady’s coverage. Among some of the developments: John Irving voted for himself (correctly believing that nobody else would vote for him), Geoffrey O’Brien voted for Gilbert Sorrentino’s Aberration of Starlight, and someone (wisely remaining anonymous) threw in her lot with Franzen. The Critical Mass post promises to be the first in a series of installments on the subject, but I certainly hope that in the course of all this, aside from Laura Miller’s explanation, the NBCC might dig up a few reasons why the 75 judges (mostly women) said no to Tanenhaus.
Guests: Chad Post, Dennis Loy Johnson, Laura Kellner, Judith Recke, Eleanor Herman, David Ulin, Cary Goldstein, and Eli Horowitz.
Condition of Mr. Segundo: Resistant to party atmospheres, stumbling around for dubious wisdom.
Subjects Discussed: Reading the World, multiple badges and Chad Post’s doppelganger, a few unexpected reasons to be a bookseller, torture taxis, minor speculation upon the Starbuck’s DC monopoly, expensive books, Muhammad Ali’s GOAT, Andre Schiffrin’s secret connection with Silly Putty, information on the new Moleskine City Guides, followup on the planned Moleskine sale, the 200th anniversary of the first American dictionary, etymological controversy, sex and royalty, salacious historical ratios, Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, the Los Angeles Times Book Review and the wrath of Mark Sarvas, the FSG Classics tag, books in translation, Frederic Prokosch, l’auto-fiction, stubble and grit, and the palliative effect of Hulk masks.
[NOTE: There will be at least two more BEA podcasts.]
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