Month / May 2007

by Richard Grayson

Nick and Tao are too modest to tell you this…

…but they’re reading together Friday night at Bluestockings.

I tell them, “Boys, ya gotta promote yourselves once in a while! It wouldn’t kill you! Stop being so self-effacing all the time!”

But do they listen to their Uncle Richard? Not on your life! They’re a pair of shrinking violents, the two of them!

I heard what Tao said to Nick when he thought I was dozing off during The Price is Right: “What does he know, he was born in the Truman administration!”

Feh. I don’t know what’s wrong with these kids today, they’re like Casper Milquetoasts or something. That’s why I had to tell them to call the Bluestockings reading “Hot Young Live Sexy Debut Novelists.”

It will also feature the lovely Douglas Light and the debonair Deb Olin Unferth. Remember, 7 p.m. Friday at my favorite Lower East Side radical feminist bookstore, Bluestockings. And I think you can nosh on something while they’re reading.

*****
UPDATE: Go know, I’ve just been informed that I am supposed to be reading with Tao, Dan Hoy and Ellen Kennedy for 3:AM Magazine tonight at Galapagos Art Space. But my VCR’s on the fritz, it’s One Tree Hill night, and I think that new girl is going to tell Lucas that it was Dan, not Jimmy, who killed his uncle. Plus, it’s sweeps month, I’m a Nielsen viewer, and if I go, the CW loses its entire 55-and-over demographic. The network can kiss those Polident and Depends ads goodbye! What a revolting development this is.

by Patrick Stephenson

Reading Report: Irvine Welsh in MPLS

(Note: When you read the headline above, pronounce MPLS as ‘Mipples.’)

Patrick Stephenson here, with literary coverage from Minneapolis, MN. Last night, this reporter attended a reading by the Scottish author Irvine Welsh, famed among tight jeans-wearing Welshtransgressives for such books as TRAINSPOTTING, FILTH, and A SMART CUNT [una novella].

Said reading occurred at 7:30pm in Minneapolis’ Magers & Quinn bookstore, located on Hennepin Ave., the hipster/yuppie locus of uptown. Expecting Chuck Palahniuk-level attendance, I arrived a half hour early with six books, and one DVD, in hand. “You’re not going to be a dick and make him sign all of those are you?” said my friend Ryan. I was, and I did. I am a dick.

Upon arriving, I was surprised to see only one other guy—a bald, cowboy hat-wearing 20 something—in attendance. By the time Mr. Welsh was up to read, however, those numbers had ballooned, with the standing room kinda cramped and every seat filled. Well, every seat except for the two rows immediately in front of Mr. Welsh, to which he said, “There’s two rows up here, so come up and fill them in. It isnae a problem.” Why don’t people ever sit in the front rows at readings? Too shy, I assume.

Before Welsh read, two lingerie-clad burlesque dancers moved through the crowd handing out eclairs. Their presence alluded to Welsh’s new book, BEDROOM SECRETS OF THE MASTER CHEFS, whose front cover features a photo of an eclair entering a full-lipped female mouth, phallus-like, visibly cream-filled. Ryan and I ogled the burlesquers until one reached us, when, with her cleavage in my face, I grabbed an eclair from my big-breasted server’s tray.

Looking quite the ruffian, Welsh stood relaxedly before his admirers, pushing away his podium and settling for mic only. He was, with his iconic bald head, his tattoos and his Scottish accent, completely charming. “I’m so glad we have Groundskeeper Willie now,” he said. “And Shrek, because Americans understand me.” As Welsh read he assumed a stance akin to Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow’s in PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, with a rock star sway detectable during his performance of three selections from BEDROOM SECRETS. Continue reading →

by Richard Grayson

Blooker!

You’ve seen the headlines:

Blog de soldado americano no Iraque ganha prêmio

US-Soldat gewinnt Preis für Irak-Tagebuch im Internet

Le Blooker Prize 2007 pour un blog militaire

Катька над Ираком в камышах

Blooker-Preis für das beste Buch nach einem Weblog

Sách về chiến tranh Iraq đoạt giải Blooker

Now read the press release.

(Okay, I’m sarcastic because my blook didn’t win.)