Bush Vows to Keep Human Costs Out of Gaze
Here’s the full set of photos.
Chancellor Angela Merkel Announces New “License to Kill Leftists” Program
Learning from Previous Disaster, Bush Ditches Guitar for Two Girls
Hillary More Concerned with Camera Profile Than Potential Voter; Father Pleads for Return of Stunned Infant
Dubya Begins “Presidential Book Club” with Vanity Press Title; Washington Insiders Remain Skeptical
Pelosi Becomes Speaker; Issues OK for Comedians to Make Fun of Liberals Again
Sony’s Ken Kutaragi Promises to Bankrupt American Families With Needlessly Expensive Xmas Gift
Daughter Loses Promised Pony for Xmas, Something About Dad Losing His Job
Katherine Harris Considers “Getting Nelson’s Little Dog Too” During Florida Senate Debate
Lacking Knife, Bush Attempts to Carve Jack O’Lantern With Idiotic Stare
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Police Confuses Alec Baldwin With Younger Brother Stephen, Alec Uses Glengarry Speech to Pass Line Without Success
Bush Reveals Margin of Difference Between Iraq Deaths Caused By His Administration and Deaths from Darfur Massacre
Prime Minister Android Halts One Year Before Projected Shutdown
White House Launches “A Tree Grows in Baghdad” Campaign to Raise Spirits Before Midterm Elections
Chertoff Uses Incomprehensible Charts to Justify “Outdated” Status of the Fourth Amendment
Solider, Eager to “Use Up Remaining Minutes,” Ignores Chopper Filled with Yahoos Heading to Bomb Village
Tony Blair Continues Long Legacy of Supporting Roles
The Situation in Cuba
Meterologists Reduced to “Laughing and Pointing” at Weather, Hoping Global Warming Will Go Away
The Exact Moment Floyd Landis’s Life Started Cycling Downhill
Al-Maliki Reacquaints Bush with Handshake to Prevent Further Backrub Mishaps
After 742nd Attempt, Bush Yields Baby Smile After Sneaking Paxil Into Bottle
McCartney Declares Himself “Needed & Fed” at 64, Demands an End to Sgt. Pepper Jokes
Scott McClellan Fired by Bush; Told He Wasn’t Enough of a Slimy Liar; Replaced by Unemployed Sock Puppet
RELATED: Vanity Fair profile: “In McClellan’s case, almost all of his sentences are dead on arrival. Even the pre-written sentences (most every briefing begins with a statement about the president’s schedule or the plausibly positive developments at hand—we’ve turned the corner in Iraq, etc.) are so bald and flat-footed that they become a kind of insult—he doesn’t disguise the bull.”
Pope Benedict Unveils New Palpatine Look to Lure Youths to Catholicism
Bush, Facing Record Low Approval Ratings, Stands Under Chandelier, Hoping Bulbs Will Give Him “Idea”
Rumsfeld Reveals Prototype for Forthcoming Mandatory Salute to U.S. President
Singer Michael Feinstein Has Cardiac Arrest While Selling Soul During Valentine’s Day Dinner Fundraiser
Karl Rove Attempts to Deflect Whittington Attention by Performing “Tie Tricks”
PICTURED: Karl Rove, Valentine’s Day, 2006
PICTURED: Brandt from The Big Lebowski.
Even the ties are close! Are the Coen brothers prophets?
