Karl Rove Attempts to Deflect Whittington Attention by Performing “Tie Tricks”

PICTURED: Karl Rove, Valentine’s Day, 2006

PICTURED: Brandt from The Big Lebowski.

Even the ties are close! Are the Coen brothers prophets?

Redford Attempts to Convince Sundance Audience He’s Still Boyish at 68

Police Declare Starbucks Bombing Attempt “The Reichstag of the 21st Century”

(Hat tip to Adrienne for the inspiration.)

Last Remaining Kernels of Judith Miller’s Credibillity Auctioned Off in New York

Frist Shifts Into Catatonic State When Asked to Identify All Unknown Nuclear Options

Four of the Apocalypse

Inspiration for Photo:: Four of the Apocalypse (1962), directed by Lucio Fulci.

Plot Outline (from IMDB): Four petty criminals, three men and a women, wander through the trackless terrain of the Wild West Utah and are hounded by a sadistic bandit.

Hmm…could the “sadistic bandit” be Ronnie Earle?

Saddam Confuses Courtroom with Comedy Club; Performs “Take My Harem, Please!” Act in Front of Judge

Rummy Pauses During War to Replace Visual Units

Bush Briefly Observes Katrina Disaster; Contemplates Second Plate of Ribs

Bush Demonstrates Priorities as Floods Bombard South; Spends Time Shaking Hands with Veterans Rather Than Katrina Victims

Billy Graham Shows Young Republicans Proper Way to Dig Grave, Lionize “Icon” in a Few Years

Bush Still Perfecting 21st Century Answer to Heil Hitler Salute

Condi’s Teeth Continue Steady Transmutation to Pure Evil; Well On Their Way to Palpantine Proportions

Former House Speaker Farts in Committee “For Old Time’s Sake”

Bush Tries to Galvanize Dog with Social Security Harangue; Dog Demands to Use Public Facilities

Federated CEO Demonstrates Vise-Like Death Grip Designed to Eliminate Wal-Mart Customer Base

Jose Canseco Demonstrates How to Live with Impotent Side Effects of Steroids

Aides Prepare Pinochet for Hanging Out to Dry Sensation

Powell Ponders How Kofi Annan Escaped Being Bush’s Bitch, Vows Serious Envy at Home

New Secretary of State Promises That President Will Sleep Only Four Hours A Night; President Concerned

“No One Wants The Job? Why, Sure I’ll Be Your Secretary of State!”

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Kerry Lulls Crying Baby to Silence with Tedious Platitudes; Wins Grateful Mother’s Vote

Kerry Urges Supporters to Look Into the Orb

Bill Gates Tries Frightened Defense Against EU Antitrust Charges

Arnold Threatens to Return to Mr. Freeze Role If Voters Don’t Give Him What He Wants

Mel Gibson, Audacious Filmmaker or Creepy Stalker?

Edwards Delivers Stump Speech At Auction; Blows Campaign Funds on Ming Vase

Dean Consults Alt-Weekly Advice Column to Recharge Campaign

Models Attacked by Desargues’ Involutions While on Catwalk

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