In Short, God Dictates That Marital Conflicts Are Best Resolved by Fucking Your Spouse’s Brains Out

Mr. Jared Wilson may be my sworn rival, but this link of his is too unintentionally hilarious to pass up. Under “2. A Sexually fulfilled husband is a scriptural mandate.” (directed to women):

If the marriage is a satisfied one, both parties will see the other’s side. The man may realize his wife needs her sleep and, because of his love for her, lets her get that sleep. Or the wife may sacrificially decide that giving her body with joy to her husband is more important than those few minutes of slumber.

Some of these interludes, although they may start off rocky, can end up being great. But in so many marriages, when a spouse gets turned down, the seeds of bitterness are planted to the point where, later that day, the wife asks the husband to go to the grocery store and he says, “No, I can’t.”

“Why not? You’re just watching the game.”

“I’m busy.”

“You don’t look busy.”

“I don’t care what I look like, I’m busy.”

What’s going on here?

It’s a delayed reaction. Admittedly, while it’s a cheap shot, it happens all the time. The husband thinks, If she turns me down, I’ll turn her down.

And there’s this advice directed to men:

Good sex is an all-day affair. You can’t treat your wife like a servant and expect her to be eager to sleep with you at night. Your wife’s sexual responsiveness will be determined by how willingly you help out with the dishes, the kids’ homework, or that leaky faucet that drips.

This is difficult for many men to understand, in large part because we remove sex from every other part of our life. We think sex fixes things on its own—but it doesn’t do that for a woman. The context, the history, the current level of emotional closeness—all that directly affects your wife’s desire and enjoyment of sexual relations. A good lover works just as hard outside the bedroom as he does inside it.

Husbands, do you want a wife who has less stress, who’s more appreciative and respectful of you? Learn what pleases her sexually.

Who knew that Eisenhower-era views of marriage and sexual “empowerment” could all be tied together in one happy bow of naive resolution? Whacked out, to say the least.

© 2005, Edward Champion. All rights reserved.

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One Comment

  1. The message above is that to men sex is something you are, something you do because it is your nature.
    To women, though (exceptions exist, though few), sex is something she can sell or trade. For washing the dishes: sex.
    For vacuuming the rug: sex.
    For cleaning the blinds: sex.
    For mowing the lawn: nothing, it’s his job.
    For painting the bathroom: sex.
    For remodeling the kitchen cabinets: sex.
    For trimming the bushes: nothing, it’s his job. Maybe a glass of ice water or a beer.
    For doing the laundry: sex.
    However, without notice she can renege on the sex. If she’s tired. If she’s a little ill. If she has PMS*. If she has PMS**. If etc. Or etc.
    *PMS=PreMenstrual Syndrome
    **PMS=PostMenstrual Syndrome
    She can also, at her option (whim) skip any of her usual jobs whenever she pleases and for as long as she pleases. The husband must fill in and do these chores for the duration if he wants to have sex. No guarantee that she will do sex even if he does everything.
    What she may want is for him to grab her and force her to have sex with him. Rough but not too rough. Hurt just a little; not too much.
    Unfortunately if she actually is not in the mood to be “raped” he may land in jail. The sheriff, always eager to jump to do a wife’s bidding, is glad to rush over and drag the husband away.

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