Lone Literary Geek Decides to Hate Sloane Crosley

Written by Edward Champion

Posted on April 1, 2008
Filed Under April Fool

As reported this morning by Slunch, it has become almost impossible to hate Sloane Crosley. Until now. Josie Harris, a 34-year-old paralegal, has decided enough is enough, and has decided to commit her energies to hating Sloane Crosley.

“There is nobody in the literary world I despise more than Sloane,” said Harris. “Nobody can be that fucking nice all the time.”

What’s considerably astonishing is that Harris came out as a Crosley hater despite being on a considerable daily regiment of antidepressants.

But is Harris simply being contrarian?

“No. I read two sentences that Sloane wrote in the Village Voice and I was so angry that it caused me to place my pet hamster in the microwave and watch it explode. This is not a common reaction that I get from writers. But Sloane’s words caused me to do this. I was depressed for weeks. And I blame her for running me over the edge.”

Harris plans to advance her protests further. Mass book burnings of I Was Told There’d Be Cake, followed by a giant Sloane Crosley effigy in front of the Random House building. She has also issued an open challenge to enter into a kickboxing match with Crosley. Crosley, however, has not responded.

Comments

3 Responses to “Lone Literary Geek Decides to Hate Sloane Crosley”

The April Fool’s Collection : Edward Champion’s Return of the Return of the Reluctant on April 1st, 2008 11:32 pm

[...] from Entering States Michael Bay and Bruce Willis On Board for Flann O’Brien Film Adaptation Lone Literary Geek Decides to Hate Sloane Crosley Harriet Klausner Gives Three Star Amazon [...]
better things. on January 18th, 2009 2:49 pm

Here’s my problem with her, and i’m just 17.
I am her, and I’m just 17.
She writes like a teenager that’s trying too hard to sound cute. She’s trying to fit into some trendy demographic but just falls out of place, despite of the references to her “pot dealer by night and paralegal at a major law firm by day” boyfriend’s minor coke habit. Shut up. She also brags a lot, and throws in a lot of subtle references to her naturally-skinny body. It’s unnecessary especially considering her really big head. She’s clearly trying to combine pseudo-hipster references along with fashion-esque standards that don’t make her look like too much of a feminist while maintaining a literary charm. Sadly, she’s not cool enough to be sub-cultured or pretty enough to win us over, nor is she “clever.” Well, not for The Cool Kids anyway. Sloane is just out of high school and probably grateful that her skin has improved. Good for her. I feel a lingering sense of guilt for trying to get away with sh*t like that in my high school creative writing class. It’s THAT obvious. I can’t for when I grow up.
better things. on January 18th, 2009 2:55 pm

Here’s my problem with her, and i’m just 17.
I am her, and I’m just 17.
She writes like a teenager that’s trying too hard to sound cute. She’s trying to fit into some trendy demographic but just falls out of place, despite of the references to her “pot dealer by night and paralegal at a major law firm by day” boyfriend’s minor coke habit. Shut up. She also brags a lot, and throws in a lot of subtle references to her naturally-skinny body. It’s unnecessary especially considering her really big head. She’s clearly trying to combine pseudo-hipster references along with fashion-esque standards that don’t make her look like too much of a feminist while maintaining a literary charm. Sadly, she’s not cool enough to be sub-cultured or pretty enough to win us over, nor is she “clever.” Well, not for The Cool Kids anyway. Sloane is just out of high school and probably grateful that her skin has improved. Good for her. I feel a lingering sense of guilt for trying to get away with sh*t like that in my high school creative writing class. It’s THAT obvious. I can’t wait for when I grow up.