Michael Bay and Bruce Willis On Board for Flann O’Brien Film Adaptation

Hack Hollywood director Michael Bay informed friends and colleagues that he was “sick to death” of turning out crappy films and announced that his next project would be a film adaptation of Flann O’Brien’s At Swim-Two-Birds, mainly because, as Bay put it, “the Lost writers may be onto something with this fucking literary trend.”

Bruce Willis is now in talks to portray the book’s main character: a college student who writes a novel and spends time shooting the shit with his pals. Some O’Brien enthusiasts have expressed reservations about casting Willis, who is bald and 53, in the role of a character some three decades younger.

“Fuck you. I’m Michael Bay. And he’s Bruce Fucking Willis,” said Bay, who cited Sylvester Stallone’s recent septuagenarian turns as Rambo and Rocky Balboa. “You get John McClane and David Madison in one package! Plus, there aren’t many action stars these days who like to smoke in bed.”

Bay would address the age difference through CGI effects that he pioneered with his live-action version of Transformers. Bay was also considering hiring an additional actor who Willis could “transform” into between scenes.

Dalkey Archive’s Chad Post has distanced himself from these developments. He had no comment, but is reportedly “not sleeping very well.”


  1. great news. not alot of people know but bruce willis family where chased out of ireland for there inability to choose a side in the civil war. no one likes a fence sitter especialy a galway fence sitter. he tried to sneek back in the early 90’s when he set up his planet hollywood resteraunt on st stephens green which was tolorated only because of the inclusion of conan the barbarian star, arnold swartznigger the best actor to come out of austria or so say the Fine Gaelers but they always had a soft spot for strong right wing europeans. The fianna Failers on the other hand where impressed with his connections to the Kennedy’s or the O Cinadha’s which litteraly translates as decendent of the big head, something the boal bruce can’t be accused of having after he showed great humility after the break up with demi who the brother always wonder’d ‘was she an adopted moore’ for that name means noble in the mother tounge’ or should i say the mothers mothers mothers tounge since it’s that long since it was spoken but lets not go there least we be forced to choose sides and with one of the willis’es comeing back, well will he be able for it.

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