BSS #103: Ron Jeremy

segundo103.jpg

Author: Ron Jeremy

Condition of Mr. Segundo: Filled with gushing admiration.

Subjects Discussed: On being “the hardest working man in show business,” being covered by the New York Times Book Review, Eric Spitznagel as ghost writer, celebrity stories, Parkinson’s disease, Al Goldstein, on being a “walking publicity sheet,” The Boondock Saints, on being a “blithering idiot” when it comes to technology, the details and taxonomy of Ron Jeremy’s black book, on hooking up with girls, on whether Jeremy considers himself an artist, John Frankenheimer, being a mainstream character actor, Sam Kinison, 1970s porn vs. contemporary porn, cinematographers who have worked in porn and mainstream, being a workaholic, travel mathematics, declining virility, Viagra, on being overweight, responding at length to Susan Faludi’s 1995 New Yorker profile, the effect of bad publicity upon career, Tammy Faye and Jessica Hahn, the future of porn, and remaining in demand.

EXCERPT FROM SHOW:

Jeremy: If I want to speak to a girl here in San Francisco, without that phone book, I can’t call her up and tell her I’m in town. Now you just saw me on the phone calling a girl, who called me last week or so, wants to see me. Her number’s in that book. Now it would be in my cell phone if she called me today. But by now, her number’s long gone from my cell phone. I don’t program numbers into my cell phone. I have a few. But I’d go nuts, because every time I change cell phones, I’d kill myself. That book is permanent, and I have numbers in there that are very, very important and some not that important. But to answer your question, why do I carry that book, it’s because it’s my phone numbers! Without that book, I couldn’t call anyone in San Francisco.

BSS #102: Jane Ganahl

segundo102.jpg

Author: Jane Ganahl

Condition of Mr. Segundo: Contemplating older women.

Subjects Discussed: Newsweek‘s controversial article about older women and marriage, the interrelationship between the “Single Minded” columns and Naked on the Page, why Ganahl left the Chronicle, how the book represented an effort to revisit the columns, on writing without instant reader feedback, on being “always right” as a journalist, the difference between writing for newspapers and writing a book, Mary Gaitskill in a punk rock t-shirt, debating the hook-up possibilities of literary events, confessional writing, writing as therapy, raising a ruckus among readers, Phil Bronstein, the future of women columnists, divorce, the institution of marriage, the current state of memoirs after James Frey, the San Francisco literary scene, name dropping, and shifting happiness.

EXCERPT FROM SHOW:

Ganahl: I would write a column. I would think I was right. Because, you know, I did my research and everything, and I would get these torpedoes from people saying, “You’re so full of crap,” and I was really indignant. And, at first, I would dismiss it out of hand. Well, you know, I am not good at taking criticism. I’m really not. And that was a very new experience for me being a columnist, because, you know, I did pop music criticism. And when you do that, you also get some hate mail, but nothing like when you talk about your own personal feelings on things. It just took some time to learn. I still think I’m right. So obviously I haven’t learned it very well.

BSS #101: Martin Amis

segundo101.jpg

Author: Martin Amis

Condition of Mr. Segundo: Inveighing against Stalinistic safeguards.

Subjects Discussed: The relationship between Koba the Dread and House of Meetings, the Soviet experiment, the original format of House of Meetings, the critical reception of Yellow Dog, the effect of reviews upon Amis’s confidence, Time’s Arrow vs. House of Meetings, writing about the gulag in the splendor of Uruguay, comparisons between Soviet Russia and post-9/11 Western life, the unnamed protagonist in House of Meetings, parallels between Yakov Dzhugashvili and the protagonist, Joseph Conrad as model for House of Meetings, writing dialogue without quotes, social realism vs. the Martin Amis stylistic imprint, making light of Stalinism, second generation Soviet novels, responding to M. John Harrison’s observations about “the long way round to avoid a cliché,” settling upon a Russian patois, poetic references in House of Meetings, mythological references, the hangover metaphor, the protagonist’s uncannily resilient memory, Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya, the period of despair after Yellow Dog, and how Amis stocks up for future comic novels.

EXCERPT FROM SHOW:

Amis: There were several very good reviews, but the bulk of them weren’t. And it wasn’t just the reviews. I mean, anyone who could hold a pen was queuing up to write some exultant piece about, you know, “Crawl away and die,” saying, “All we can do now is pity him” and all this and so over. Nice to have your pity, mate. I particularly value your pity. To feel such dislike centered on you and centered on your book. I mean, I’d been written about far from sympathetically for quite some time, but it was alright when they were just having a go at me and my character and my activities. But when they attack your book, in those terms, it’s much more painful. It’s like watching your child being scragged in the schoolyard. So, yeah, I think it wouldn’t have been human to have not felt that and felt it as a blow to your confidence, which is what it really is intended to be. I think Baudelaire said, if you’re a writer, all you have is your opinion of yourself and your talent and your reputation. And that puts food on the table. That’s your livelihood — it’s your opinion of yourself. So, yeah, I think my confidence was affected by it.

Where is Nicholson Baker?

Why isn’t Nicholson Baker publishing fiction anymore? I ask this question not just because I like his name — the surname a durable representation of Anglicism, the Christian name evocative of an underrated form of American currency that will, in a few short years, become as meaningless as its baser mono-cent cousin, the two names meshing together into a five-syllable charge of the light brigade — but because I am fond of his work, which has dealt in large part with describing minutiae — and by minutiae, I mean the bric-a-brac we take for granted, the pleasures of a straw or a laundry tag, all of it representative of an unexpected euphoria and enthusiasm with the quotidian.

A brief aside: I now have on my desk a 453.6 gram bag of Rold Gold pretzels, cloaked in a sallow hue that I find ghastly, purchased a few evenings ago because more diminutive packagings of pretzels weren’t available at the convenience store immediately around the corner, and because I was too lazy to walk the additional distance to a store that might have a more reasonable size. The bag claims to be a “One Pound Value Bag,” and, if we are to round up the 453.59237 grams to one pound measure to the tenth, we do indeed have 453.6 grams. Of course, since I do not possess a scale or any measuring device that will register this pretzel bag’s mass, I must trust that this bag, before I unsealed its top, its unsealed edge now staring back at me with six crenelated horizontal ridges and its rumpled plastic exterior resting reasonably firm until I decide to unsettle it with a slight movement, did in fact weigh one pound. I must therefore place trust in the Frito Lay Company that I am indeed getting “one pound” of value, even though I paid $2.49 for it when I would have preferred to pay around a dollar or so for a smaller bag of pretzels that would have served my nefarious snacking purpose. So there is, in fact, an excess of pretzels that has rested, untouched, on my desk for two nights. And I don’t know if I will eat the remainder. When I also consider the additional fact that, given these lack of measuring tools, there is no way I could have matched the reported 453.6 grams against the real 453.6 grams, I don’t feel any sense of “value” at all. Even if I were to disseminate the balance of these pretzels amongst the vagrants in my neighborhood or even the drunk and noisy teenagers who I have espied through my bay window (after hearing some unsettling noises), one of whom has just regurgitated on the steps leading up to my apartment building, I’m thinking they would likely reject my offering of pretzels in lieu of a hot meal or a forty ounce bottle or even cold hard cash. So the “value,” which suggests an egalitarian dissemination of goods that evokes a Robin Hood-like figure spreading the wealth, is wrong on multiple levels. And I am stuck with excess pretzels.

If I were to read a new Nicholson Baker volume, there is no doubt in my mind that he could put this conundrum in perspective. I suspect, with his keen eye for the picayune, he would have anticipated my current pretzel contretemps and he would have meditated at length upon this notion of “value,” a word unabashedly printed upon too many things, as if the word “Value” is a kind of naked lady you find in a deck of cards.

I was reminded of Mr. Baker tonight, when I found myself without a book to read on the way home. This caused a slight sense of panic, because, after countless hundreds of journeys on my bus line, I had grown quite accustomed to the many buildings through the window along my commute and had grown very comfortable with this idea of submerging myself into a book to pass the time. And I walked to City Lights, and with the help of the excellent Suzanne, a friendly and intelligent young woman who I once had dinner with and whose name I embarrassingly forgot, even when she had cried, “Ed!” as she saw my rumpled and book-starved form perusing many literary options, I managed to discover a Nicholson Baker volume I had not yet read, a book called Room Temperature which I am now halfway through. And Baker’s concern for these small details and these small conflicts that we take for granted has made me sad that he’s decided to sit it out since Checkpoint, a book savaged by Leon Wieseltier in the most callow of ways. (You can find the details here. I miss Mr. Orthofer’s lengthy reports and I hope we will see another one soon.)

So I must ask what has happened to Nicholson Baker. In the madness of our times, his fictive perspective is badly missed and sorely needed. I could always count upon looking through a dictionary when reading his books. I could always count upon seeing the world around me with fresh eyes. Plus, it helps that he was a bit of a pervert. I can’t say these things of a lot of authors. But I can say them of Nicholson Baker. I don’t know if he has a muse that any of us can speed-dial. But the literary world seems somehow lesser without Baker.